Pregnancy update - 26+ weeks

I spent this afternoon all nesty, sorting through Asher's old clothes. I was meant to be studying but instead I went through the built-in cupboards in both Asher's room and the baby-to-be's room. My back is so sore that I want to cry (have just had some paracetamol) but at least I know why I found it so hard to dress Asher in those first few months. He had SO FEW clothes, just 4-5 newborn sized outfits, with a few more sets of tops and pants, most of which he couldn't wear because the pants would just drop off him (er, yes, he was rather skinny!). I have no idea why I didn't buy a bunch of size 0000 Bonds Wondersuits but... well, I didn't, and it means that I'll be buying a bunch of teeny outfits for this bub, as soon as the winter clothes really start to hit the shops. I will, however, restrain myself until I know what sex the baby is and also whether s/he is measuring small - it's surprisingly hard to find decent plain white/gender neutral baby clothes. If it's looking like I'm going to have another small baby I will buy one or two outfits in the larger premmie size.

Which brings me to the actual pregnancy update. I've been getting really sore in my lower back and my hips and nothing much helps, except acupuncture. I'm also meant to be taking things easy (which means not carrying boxes of clothing around, or sitting on the floor sorting and folding) and hanging out in the almost-weightlessness of water to stop it escalating, but it's really hard. I have tests coming up - blood tests this week to check for I-don't-know-what (but I did ask to get haemoglobin checked as I wondering whether I'm a tiny bit anaemic), an ultrasound on the first of April to check the baby's growth (s/hes really active, so I'm not worried about it's health but the auto-immune issues mean an increased likelihood of intra-uterine growth retardation - IUGR) and then the horrible glucose tolerance test the week after. It's weird that I have no hesitation or concern about the blood draw, but I'm dreading drinking sugary stuff and sitting for an hour.

That's enough for tonight - time to eat chocolate mousse and lie on the couch...

Nesty

Yep, the nesting has begun! A few weeks ago we went to Ikea and brought home the Poang chair for breastfeeding in. Originally I wanted to get a lovely squooshy rocker/glider but they are all so monumentally ugly that I decided against that. Then I was thinking I'd find a mid-century modern armchair on eBay and get new cushions and get it re-upholstered, but I really wanted to sit in the chair before I bought it, and I wanted something that would move a bit. So I settled for Poang. I did get a nice cushion as well to shove under the 'feeding arm' so the babies head is less likely to get bumped on the wooden chair arms.

I've been stalking eBay and recently got a sweet little cabinet for our kitchen (I'm still looking for the perfect low bookshelf for the baby's room) so we have re-organised our kitchen cupboards. I wanted to put a whole lot of crafty type junk that is currently in the baby's room into the cupboard but it fit best in the kitchen and Sanjay has spent rather a lot of the last two weekends sorting out kitchen stuff and moving it around. I was slightly irritated that he was so busy re-arranging things until I realised that it was just his way of nesting. Now all our kitchen stuff fits in our kitchen, but I still don't know where I'm going to put the junk from the babies room. When that goes somewhere then I can sort through Asher's old clothes and toys - and then I'll know what I actually need for this baby. I remember having barely any clothes for Asher when he was tiny, having to struggle to make sure I did laundry every day so that stuff would be clean and dry for him to wear. This time will be different. In all likelihood this will be my last baby, so I'm determined to buy him/her a few nice things and I'm hoping for more hand-me-downs now that more of my friends have kids (last time I got some great boys stuff from the incomparable Aprill, but most of my other friends were either using their baby clothes or didn't have kids).

Apart from sorting, tidying and re-organising I would really love to paint the house, but I can't see that happening in the next three months or so. I'll have to satisfy myself doing a few things to pretty-up the baby's room - again, something I didn't do last time. I am seriously considering making a mobile, dying some sheets (and maybe the Poang chair cover!). Any other ideas?

The Sleep Thing

It's the sleep thing again. Asher has been taking a long time to go to sleep, then waking a few times most night recently, and it’s been driving us all pretty crazy. The going to bed routine now consist of teeth brushing, nappy, PJs then Sanjay reading a story, me going in and telling a story (I’ll have to write down my version of the three bears sometime!) then I have to leave and Sanjay has to go back in again. Sometimes that is just a last cuddle, sometimes Sanjay has to stay there until Asher drops off to sleep. After all that palaver Asher’s getting to sleep between 8:30pm and 10pm which means that he’s often tired the next day and Sanjay and I have very little grown-up time together (…and then there is food to be eaten, cleaning up to be done, Sanjay has work to do and we end up tired and grumpy with one another – but that is another post for another time). When there is only one parent present it is often a bit easier, but that doesn’t really solve the problem. When I'm putting him to sleep during the day I'm also noticing that he's practising 'counting' on his fingers - Sanjay has shown him how to hold up one, two, three, four and five fingers but the manual dexterity required means that Asher has had to practise. Maybe part of the sleep disturbance is a developmental change - just like when he was six months old and his sleep was really disturbed just as he was learning to crawl.

When Asher wakes up in the night Sanjay, bless him, usually deals with it. Since nobody sleeps very well when a kicking, fidgeting, toddler is in our bed we tend to escort him back to his own room as soon as he’s calm. Sometimes it’s as simple as going to the kitchen for a glass of water (“with a piece of ice!”). Either way, when it happens occasionally it’s fine, when it’s multiple times a night it’s just not on.

I was too busy trying to ‘fix’ what was obviously broken and didn't stop to wonder what was going on, whether there was a cause. I tried encouraging him to go to sleep by having one of us sleep in his bed next to him (not effective) and I tried being stern and spending less time in the putting to bed routine (even less effective and unpleasant for everyone) and I tried re-framing my thought about how ‘putting Asher to bed’ should be (no one got any more sleep, but I was more relaxed). So the other night when, just before bed, Asher asked me if there were owls at night I absentmindedly told him that there were, and that they flew around outside. Sanjay added that the owls didn’t come inside people’s houses, that they were shy and liked it outside by themselves and then I twigged. We had been reading Beatrix Potter’s ‘The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin’ a lot, particularly at bedtime and it seems that the part where Old Brown the Owl comes very close to skinning and eating naughty little Squirrel Nutkin was just too scary for poor Asher. Unfortunately, instead of Asher choosing a different book or asking me about the story or about owls he just kept requesting the book ("I want my new book again!") and I, not realising that anything was amiss, kept reading it, and making it even scarier with each reading. I had even read, and laughed with sympathetic amusement at, this blog post from Finslippy so you would think I would have twigged to what was going on earlier. I think being 'in the moment' is so necessary in parenting, but conversely you can't be a really thoughtful, 'conscious' parent without removing yourself a bit sometimes.

So, now we are limiting bedtime books to things like Green Eggs and Ham, The Magic Beach and Where's Wally and things are getting a bit better. The night wake-ups are minimised (he has a cold and has woken up snotty a few times, but that's different) and we are going to look at the bedtime routine gradually. I'm going out tomorrow night and might suggest Sanj heads out on Saturday night or early next week so we can try putting him to bed as solo parents in the hope that decreases the amount of neediness at bedtime.

Luna Park

Having fun!!!
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

Yesterday Sanjay had to work at an expo at Luna Park for a few hours in the morning and as part of the deal he got a free passes for Asher and I to use while he was there. We had a great time - I got a coffee and Italian pastry from a nearby cafe first and we headed down, picked up our writbands and then went on some rides. We treid out the big ferris wheel first and after waiting 10 minutes or so we were just about to get on when Asher told me he needed to go to the toilet. Now, I was doubtful that he needed to go, but you ignore a toilet training toddler old making those kind of claims at your peril! Anyway, the very nice ride attendants let us go out and then come back without queueing so I felt like a VIP and Asher still doesn't 'get' that you need to queue before you get to go on rides.

Apart from being exhausted to the point of weeping by the time we caught the train home, it was a really lovely morning. It really feels like he's my little side-kick when we go and do stuff like that - lot's of fun. I'm reminding myself that it won't be long before we'll be a family wherever we go, it won't just be me and my little friend which makes me both sad in a nostalgic kind of way, and stomach-clenchinly anxious about how the hell I'll cope. I'm putting plans in place to help me cope, but the anxiety level is still pretty high.

Boy or Girl?

So, we don't know whether this baby in my belly is a boy or a girl (if you ask Asher he says it's a boy) but we do know that it is very, very active. It's not quite 8pm here and it's kicking/headbutting/wriggling so much that I'm feeling a bit nauseous. Truly. I'm about to consult Dr. Google to see if there's anything bad indicated by this much movement. I'm not quite 23 weeks pregnant yet, I hope it gets a bit more squashed and can move less soonish, because if it's jackknifing at 32 weeks like it is now I really am going to puke. It's already disturbing my sleep (the dancing at 2:30am last night kept me awake!) and Sanjay can feel it's kicking from the outside - it's really full on!

Reading-Writing

I'm not really sure what to title this post but I'll try to think of something by the time I finish writing. In fact, I've been putting off writing this post for almost a month because talking about this subject makes me feel oogy. I'll just dive right in. Asher is starting to learn to read and write.

He is, in typical Asher fashion, doing it backwards, by actually learning to write, and in the process he's accidentally learning to sight-read the words he can write. Of course he doesn't have the manual dexterity to actually form letters with a pen or crayon yet, but he types. He loves to type. It's just because kids want to do what they see their parents doing, which makes me look like I use the computer as much as I wish I did. Anyhow, one way or another, he's obsessed with letters and words. We use typing as a bribe ("when you've finished your breakfast you can do some typing"). At playgroup he does painting but mostly so I'll help him paint his name (sometimes over and over again, when I'm feeling weak). Whenever we have some waiting to do I get him to point out letters and sometimes words - there are plenty of signs about, there are menus to read, even number plates when we get desperate. When someone asks him his name he tells them A-S-H-E-R. There are a few books that people have given him with his name in them which he will point out every time we read them. In short it's pretty full on, and it makes me feel strangely uncomfortable and even a bit guilty.

I know it's meant to be a good thing to have your kid reading early, right? Right? But because he's only two-and-eight-months I feel he shouldn't be learning reading and writing because he's just too young. I'm strangely terrified of being judged as a pushy mum - one of 'those' mothers who who do flashcards with their babies, lots of classes and structured learning and, in my mind at least, compulsively check 'milestones' and obsess about their kids 'keeping up' with the little kids around them. As far as I'm concerned, this couldn't be further from the truth - I reckon that kids develop at their own pace and different kids have different skills that come easily. I don't think little kids need much extra stimulation, I think they just need to see the adults around them doing normal stuff, and ideally spend a bit of time involved in that normal stuff - cooking, cleaning, shopping and interacting nicely with other people, that kind of normal stuff. It just happens that for me 'normal' also includes spending time on the computer, little kids are amazing learning sponges and perhaps my kid is wired to be able to pick some of the basic reading-writing stuff up pretty early. I actually don't think that this interest in letters, spelling and words marks him as being particularly intelligent (I do think he's really smart! I just don't think that this proves it).

I am proud of my boy, but even more there is a strong feeling of relief that it's unlikely we're going to have to really battle to help him to learn to read and write. I'm also really defensive, but I haven't examined why. I don't know why I'm so concerned about being put in the pushy mum box that I have been unwilling to talk to my friends about this, have been putting off posting here about it and instead just telling his grandparents, who already thinks the sun shines out of his footsteps.

So, as to the post title, I think I should swallow my discomfort and go with the obvious...

My Life in Point Form

So much going on and so little coherence here. I'm blaming the nasty cold Asher brought home from childcare for me, but really it's been going on a bit longer than that. In point form, but no particular order:

• My brother and his girlfriend moved to Singapore. Email contact has been sporadic (phone contact even more minimal) but from what I gather things are good so far. I'm looking forward to hearing more detail soon (hint hint! Tim, get yourself together and email me!)

• My dear friend E had her baby. A short labour, little girl, a month early and only 80g lighter than Asher was at birth. Mum and bub are doing fine, although the little one is taking a while to learn to suck.

• I'm feeling lot's of movement from my little passenger - s/he is even kicking strongly enough for Sanj to feel occasionally, which is nice. I'm starting to get all broody and nesty, which is kinda funny, because it still feels pretty early for that to kick in (21 weeks). The other day I was asking Sanj to help tidy and organise something-or-other and he was sighing and reluctant. I suddenl;y turned into a shrew with a "D'you think the last 20 weeks have gone quickly?" - err, yes - "well the next 20 are going to go AT THE SAME SPEED! SO WE HAVE TO START ORGANISING THINGS!" at which point we both dissolved into laughter. I know all we really need is a box of newborn nappies and to wash a few newborn outfits - nothing that can't be dealt with in the few days I'm in hospital - but the nesty feeling, it's overwhelming.

• I'm having a freak-out about having a newborn and a toddler/preschooler with no drivers license in winter. At the moment the wonderful Karen drives Asher and I around (or we catch public transport) but that'll be impossible with two. I'm having driving lessons, but I won't have my license by the time this baby arrives.

• Asher is being a delight. Today he went to sleep with his arm over my neck, holding my hand, all snuggled up. I've decided that 2.5 is an age of contrasts, because two weeks ago he was making me more angry than I've ever felt toward him, just with normal, defiant, toddler behaviour. His language is just lovely (when he's not whining) and he's funny and kind - I love the way he strokes my belly so softly and talks to the baby. He absolutely freaked me out when he fell off the bed, from standing, onto his back today though. I have a sneaking suspicioun he had a very very slight concussion or black out - after I'd scooped him up onto the bed he went a bit grey and his eyes rolled back in his head, but he started crying when I screamed out all panicked for Sanjay to come NOW! (Sanj slowly sauntered in, assuming there had been a potty accident). We watched him VERY closely for two hours and he's fine, but this was the closest I've come to taking him up to the local ER.

...and that's the short list. I promise to write a post that isn't in point form within the next week.

morphology ultrasound

morphology ultrasound
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

The morphology ultrasound (18-20 week) was yesterday. It went really well, the foetus seems to have all the right organs and all in the right places. This baby is also measuring average so far according to the ultrasonographer, which is a really big relief. We'll see if that changes after 32 weeks when the little things are meant to really start fattening up, but it's a good start at least. The placenta is a little low but not actually covering my cervix, and they will follow that up in future ultrasounds. Placenta praevia is one of the things that would make me 100% on board with the idea of a planned c-section, but thankfully it doesn't look like that's where we are heading.

The tech was lovely, and talked us through the whole thing, unlike other techs in the past. She asked us beforehand if we wanted to know the sex and we said that we didn't, but we would be looking for evidence on screen and she was really fast and careful about not showing us anything near the foetus' nether regions. Despite her care we both thought we caught a glimpse of penis, but not nearly enough to be sure.

I was really unsure about waiting to find out the sex. With Asher we found out but tried to avoid telling people and that was OK. This time I thought that I would ask at a future ultrasound - one of the few joys of a slightly higher risk pregnancy and a conservative obstetrician is more looks at the growing baby - but this morning as I was waking up I started thinking about that moment straight after delivery and the cliched announcement and I got really excited by the idea. So it looks like we won't find out. Either way I'm happy - it looks like we have a healthy baby on board!

Random Anecdote

My mother sends me a lot of funny emails of dubious humour value. They distract me and sometimes get a smile or a chuckle. One that arrived the other day reminded me so much of the possum who used to break into my flat when I lived in Annandale that I'm going to post it here. I hope I'm not breaking all sorts of copyright restrictions, but it was un-attributed in the email, and I'd be happy to attribute it if I knew where it came from.



If the kitchen window wasn’t properly latched he would come in, ignore the fruit in the fruit bowl and eat my dark chocolate Lindt balls. I always thought he probably wanted a cigarette and an espresso as well.

Harrumph! The cat actually *smokes* the cigarette in the GIF I have - why doesn't it do that here? Michael?

Solo Parenting Roundup

Sanjay will be home in under an hour. It's been easier than I thought (but I'm a worst-case-scenario kind of person). If it happens again I'd like it to be when it's ratings season so that the TV programs are better and when I'm not pregnant so I can self medicate with alcohol. What I wouldn't do to be able to have several stiff gin and tonics!

Solo Parenting

Sanjay is away for the weekend. It's only the third time he's been away overnight since Asher was born, and the first two times were when Asher was tiny. Some time ago our friend B asked him to come along to the Tamworth Country Music Festival and to my extreme surprise he decided to go, and to my even greater surprise another friend, Barry, decided to go with them. It's only so surprising because neither Sanjay nor Barry have ever shown even the vaguest interest in country music, neither of them particularly like long drives (Tamworth is around 5 hours drive on a good day) and they are camping in the heat (and possibly the rain). The last time Sanjay went camping was 20 years ago (!!!) when he was at school, and Barry is not keen on camping either. All those things put together make me think that it was about getting away from, rather than going to, if you know what I mean.

Now, when you consider the quote from my last post you can understand why I have approached the weekend with a certain trepidation. I've been feeling quite easily frustrated with Asher for the last few weeks, and I can't work out whether it's just because he's 2.5 or whether it's my pregnant hormones making me less patient than normal, but either way, we are on a short fuse with each other. Happily it's been really good so far. Sanjay's parents picked Asher up from Kindy yesterday (which is pretty common on a Friday) and we all had dinner at Sanjay's brothers house. Apart from waking up at 2am sobbing because daddy wasn't there he's been absolutely fine - and even better, I haven't been yelling at him!

How does a toddler undestand Love?

If this conversation is anything to go by, Asher might think that loving someone means that you enjoy hanging out with them. It occured at around 9pm last night, when Sanjay was at the end of his tether trying to get Asher to sleep.

Sanjay: Goodnight Asher, I love you and Mumbo loves you and now you need to go to sleep
Asher: I don't love Mumbo
Sanjay: Yes you do, you love her the most!
Asher: I love you, and when you're not here, I love Mumbo
Sanjay (not knowing what else to say): Goodnight.

The 'good' toddler

Someone asked me this morning if Asher was 'a good boy' and to be honest, I didn't really know how to answer. I've been thinking about it all day and the more I think about it the more it reminds me of when people, usually older women, used to ask me if he was a 'good' baby. The answer then was that yes, he was a very good baby, and he was behaving just as he should for an x week/month old. The answer now is a bit more complicated but I still believe he, like all other kids who have the opportunity, is a good kid. I think he pushes limits like a crazy man, has tantrums over seemingly small issues, I think he desperately needs to test out new skills and assert his Independence, I think his attention span is toddler-short and he can't clean up his toys, sit still for more than a moment unless he's consuming a babycino, go to sleep by himself easily or cope with changes to the routine, hunger, thirst or tiredness, but yes is a really good kid. In other words all the things that drive me absolutely freaking mental about Asher are age appropriate behaviours and particular to Asher's temperament. He doesn't really try to be either 'good' or 'bad' he just is completely himself and bent on exploring the world and getting our what he wants (mostly just our attention and approval) as quickly and efficiently as possible. The more consistent I can be and the more I can reward the behaviour that I want, the more I get a 'good kid' to deal with.

(I had to interrupt that paragraph to go and get Asher, who had let himself out the front door - the behaviour of a good kid? I have since deadlocked the front door which should take him at least a few weeks to figure out.)

Which brings me to today. We came home from a lovely morning at the playground (Bradfield Park, a.k.a. Train Park for anyone who knows Sydney) Asher had a shakey (home-made smoothie, praise be to the Bamix), got his nappy on without complaint and then we lay down for one book, one story and our snooze. Instead of this process taking 20 minutes, Asher was still bouncing around next to me while I lay on his bed gritting my teeth an hour and a half later. I changed the poo that was in his nappy (how had I not smelled that?) popped him back into his bed and sternly told him to stay in bed and go to sleep. I left him in there for almost an hour, ignoring the occasional crashes and bangs and snatches of cheerful singing. When I went to get him out the room looked like this:

I opened the door to see Asher sitting in the little clear space right in the middle. When I called Sanj and told him what happened his only comment was 'what a good boy!' (distinctly *not* what I was thinking at the time), but after some reflection I guess I agree with him. He played and explored and did what I had asked to the best of his ability.

So it's time to go out for fish and chips at the beach for dinner, and because I've been paying attention here rather than to him the lounge room is literally covered in toys, I've had to have firm words about the outside tap (there is water all over the deck) and I've already had to fix the Ikea easel. Now he's crying because the sticker he asked for is sticky. But still he is a good boy!

Absurdist conversation

Some of the best parts of living with a toddler are the wild and crazy conversations one suddenly finds oneself in the midst of. Much better than dealing with the 45 minutes of exhaustion tantrum today or Asher's research into what pisses his mother off yesterday (it seems flinging oneself on the ground repeatedly whilst walking around the shopping centre will eventually do it). This conversation is as close to verbatim as I can remember it. It happened on the train coming home from dinner with my dad on Saturday night.

Asher: I'm a fish
Keda: A baby fish?
Asher: A big fish!
Sanjay: In a small pond?
Asher: No, in a big one.
Keda: So you are a big fish in a small pond?
Asher: Yes
Sanjay: What kind of fish are you? A red herring?
Asher: No
Keda: A carp?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A sardine?
Asher: No
Keda: A dolphin*?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A cod?
Asher: No
Keda: A tuna fish?
Asher: Yes! I'm a tuna fish!

* Yeah, I know, dolphins aren't fish. We were both giggling and I was finding it difficult to think of random fish by this point.

Update - Part II

So, Christmas was good. We left Sydney about two hours later than planned on Christmas eve and went up the coast to my mothers. Christmas morning there was Santa, presents then lunch, snoozing and a trip to the beach in the late afternoon. The rest of the holiday saw twice daily trips to the beach, a kid who was happy as a clam playing in the sand (even letting Sanj and I head off for a swim in the surf together and contentedly playing with 'Granny Frani' or an aunt or uncle!) but slightly whiny and out-of-sorts at the house. He slept on a mattress on the floor in the same room as us, which worked out really well (i.e. we all got enough sleep). Apart from some slight unexplained grouchiness from Sanjay it was all one can hope for in a family holiday.

Asher's development is amazing at the moment. His language is coming on a pace and he's starting to really 'get' a whole bunch of concepts that seemed to be quite hazy recently, e.g. size comparisons:

Scene: Sanjay and Asher in the shower
Asher: You've got a big peenie. I've got a *tiny* one!
Sanjay: ....!

As I mentioned in my previous post, he's also started potty training. He didn't wear a nappy much while we were away and did most of his wees and poos on the potty and since we've been back he's only in a nappy at sleep time (both day and evening). So far it seems to be relatively successful. No accidents at all on days one and two, three accidents yesterday (including the fist set of poo covered undies! Yuck!) and none today so far (he's asleep at the moment). Unfortunately he doesn't really tell us when he needs to go, and at home that's just fine as he can get his undies down by himself and he just takes himself off to the potty most of the time. Slightly more of a problem when we are out though - what I've had success with so far is showing Asher where the toilets are when we get somewhere and then watching and helping when I see signs of him going to the bathroom (by that I mean trying to get the door open or whatever, not jiggling around holding his penis!). It's all kind of exciting and kind of a hassle, but I think he's been more-or-less ready for a while and we picked a reasonably good time to go with him on this. Tonight Asher and I are catching the train to the city and going to dinner in Chinatown with my dad (Sanj is at the Cricket and we're meeting him there) then we are catching the train home together which all seems pretty complicated from a toilet perspective, so with me luck!

Updates

I've been wanting to blog for about a week now, but first I was up on the North Coast with my family and no computer and since I've been back I haven't had much time and I've been fighting with the computer (Fucking cookies! Fucking Internet Explorer!). And of course now I'm sitting here at the computer I've forgotten what I wanted to say.

I guess firstly there's the pregnancy update - I'm 15 weeks pregnant today and everything seems to be going fine. I'm taking my Aspirin and trying to remember to take my multivitamins. I'm not sticking to the dietary commandments (specifically 'thou shalt not eat soft cheeses' and 'thou shalt not drink any alcohol') this time and I'm eating pasteurized Australian soft cheeses and I'm not having more than half a glass of wine. I'm moderately successful at sticking to the self imposed one coffee per day rule though. Sanjay thinks this is a typical first child/second child thing but I'm not so sure.

I'm definitely getting plumper and I have to use the Belly Belt on all my jeans now, although I can still hide it with loose flowing tops. I got some great maternity hand-me-downs from a friend and bought a few things at a super cheap sale the other day. I'll probably need one or two more things, but I'm not feeling quite so unprepared. I don't really have anything except a pair of Yim jeans and a few rather ragged tops. I didn't buy much when I was pregnant with Asher because I didn't really have to go anywhere or see anyone and the things I did buy I wore so much (both before and after Asher's birth!) that they aren't particularly presentable. This time around I go out of the house every day, meet up with friends and also have paid work to dress for two days a week.

The Asher update and the Christmas update will have to wait because I'm really tired. I'll fill you in on how incredibly cute his language is and how frustratingly age-appropriate his behaviour is when I can but for now I wanted to say that potty training* has started and preliminary signs indicate that it's going fine.

*I hate that phrase because there is no 'training' going on - he is learning from his body, and we're coaching him on toileting competence.

The Elephant in the Corner

So I'm finally ready to reveal the reason for my recent lack of posting - there has been an elephant standing in the corner of the room that I haven't wanted to mention. The only way to avoid mentioning that elephant was to not say anything at all. Behold the Bean:

Yep that's right, I have a passenger on board. My passenger is a 10 week old foetus (i.e. I'm 12 weeks pregnant) that we saw on ultrasound (for the second time) on Friday. It has a little beating heart, a stomach, an umbilical cord that attaches at all the right places, and a low risk for Downs Syndrome and the other chromosomal abnormalities they test for with the NT plus scan.

For those who don't know me IRL we had a few hassles getting to Asher - we had two miscarriages, one chemical pregnancy, a hemorrhage and then, when we conceived Asher I was finally diagnosed with anti-cardiolipin antibodies, an auto-immune disorder that creates clots in the placenta, and can be a cause of recurrent miscarriage (as well as intra-uterine growth retardation and stillbirth). I was on low-dose Aspirin (100mg) from the very beginning of my pregnancy until about 32 weeks, and this time they have re-tested me and I have the same levels so I'm on Aspirin again. I've just been Googling for some appropriate links for anyone who wants to know more, but I'm finding it difficult to find pages that provide enough detail but that are written for non-health-professionals. This is about the best I can do. I am a 'low positive' and also have a relatively low platelet count, so I suspect I'm less at risk of some of the other really nasty complications (like strokes). I'll have to talk to my doctor more about all that...

So anyhow, here we are, getting to the end of the first trimester and starting to believe that we really might end up with a baby. We didn't plan this timing, in fact, we had decided to start trying for number two around Christmas. I was hoping for a *very* festive Christmas season, with lots of alcohol and loving, but instead I will be seeing in the new year sober and probably slightly cranky (and it will be 100% worth it for our little family if we end up with a little person who we love as much as we love Asher!).

Santa

There really is a plethora of Christmas posts around here, isn't there. It's funny 'coz it's really not playing that big a part in my mental life right now, but the other things that are going on are boring and involve making babysitting arrangements for Christmas parties, my work, Sanjay's work, and the minutea of daily life with a toddler. Will he go to bed OK tonight? Will there be tantrums today? Is he going to yell a perfectly enunciated 'fuck!' repeatedly in public? Will I be able to have a shower by myself today? ...and if that stuff is boring for me, then it's going to be absolutely punishing for anyone else.

So, anyway, back to my Santa story. Each Christmas so far we have had a photo taken with Santa. At 6 months old Asher was happily held by the strange guy in the freshly dry cleaned red polyester suit. Last year, at 18 months, there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that Asher would sit anywhere near the weird guy whose face was obscured by thick spectacles and a creepy white polyester beard. In that photo I'm sitting next to Santa, holding a wriggling Asher on my lap while trying to smile appropriately. This year we talked a lot about Santa for the few days before we actually went, and Asher's mate A actually had several 'dry runs' where she was bribed to sit with Santa to desensitize her to the inherent creepiness of the situation (creepy to a toddler, mortifying embarrassing to a tweenager and, I'm finding, strangely compulsive to a mother).


To get Asher to sit with Santa we went early in the morning, as soon as David Jones opened. We promised a babycino and a trip to Wizzy World after the photo and we had treats for the kids to try and get them smiling. In the end Asher also ended up with my camera, first taking photos of Santa and then, when he was sitting next to Santa, Asher took a (terrible) photo of me, pointing to the camera:

Finally, after much negotiating, we got a picture I was happy with (I don't have a scanner, so please excuse the poor 'photo of a photo' quality:

So there was not really much point to that post. Perhaps I could end on a question: do you think I should get Asher a kids digital camera for Christmas? It could buy me much peace and quiet (and Christmas should be about peace, right?).

The Christmas Stick

I promise that after this I'll shut up about Christmas for a while, but I do want to show you my lovely Christmas stick!

There are no photos of the the annual stick hunt this year. It was raining and we forgot the camera and we ended up doing most of our stick-hunting from the car. It was lovely though - it was quiet and damp and we explained to Asher what we were doing. We had fortified ourselves beforehand at our favourite French Patisserie with lots of coffee and delicious food. I don't think Asher really 'got it' at the time but later he worked it out.

When Asher went for his sleep in the early afternoon I got Michael and his friend (who stayed with us the night before) to help with stick arrangement. It was so much easier than the last two years - I think we are getting better at choosing sticks! They pretty much fell into place this time, without the need for a pruning saw or secateurs.

When Asher woke up we decorated the tree - he wore his 'Christmas hat' and I wished quietly that we owned some Christmas music on to add to the atmosphere (ideally I would find some Christmas music that didn't make me gag!). I'm happy with how it looks, but this year I really am going to buy some Christmas baubles in the January sales. I can't for the life of me face purchasing full-price Christmas decorations and I'd rather have my 'tree' covered in an eclectic mix of home made decorations (see the letters!) and things we've picked up on our travels (you can't see the stars from India or the glass angels from Ireland and Venice in the photo). Anyhow here it is, without presents as yet, and without the sun shining in the window that I was hoping for this morning:

eat at dixiebelle's: Eco-friendly Christmas (Updated and Re-posted)

Eeat at dixiebelle's(Updated and Re-posted) does the 'Green Christmas' post that best fits in with my view of the world - love it! I'll post the story of the Christmas Stick tomorrow...