Dinosaur habitat

My sister Clare is in Cambodia and blogging, my mum is travelling and blogging, my friend Megan is planning the trip of a lifetime and will be blogging, so I thought a post was in order. None of that exotic travel for me at the moment though. My life is all about parenting my kids, gardening and trying to make our house more organised and liveable (hence my Pinterest addiction) and here is a little project we did yesterday afternoon that covers all those bases.

I had a tired grumpy four year old and wanted to look at wardrobe systems in Bunnings, so I bribed the tired kid with the promise that we would buy some little plants and make him a dinosaur garden. We also bought a wide-ish, flat-ish pot, which was unnecessary but I'll use it for bulbs next spring. I was drawing my inspiration from cool terrariums I'd seen on Pinterest and originally planned to use plants I had at home, but I just couldn't resist the mini mondo grass ($1) and a few small-leaved sedums as well as something called 'corsican mint' which is a tiny little thing ground cover thing. I wanted all small-leaved plants because I think the scale looks better (same reason I don't like large leaved bonsai).

I probably took us about 10 minutes to put together, including taking a blade to a disposable water bottle to make the pond and wandering around the garden looking for appropriate rocks.


I wish I had chosen a sealed pot with a base, rather than terracotta, so it was easier to put in the boys room (although that *might* be a recipe for disaster) and I might work on the pond a bit (make it much flatter and fill it with blue glass decorator bead things rather than actual water) but I'm pretty happy with it. More to the point, Kiz loves it, and has given all his dinosaurs drinks, baths, and plants to munch on.

Language update

I've been looking through this blog trying to work out what Asher's language was like when he was the same age as Kiz is now and I'm wishing that I had updated more frequently! I know that he had a bunch of words by the time he was Kiran's age, but the blog doesn't relate how many, or which words (I think I might have a list written down on a scrap of paper somewhere though - which is the exact reason I try to blog my updates). So, in the spirit of too-much-detail-never-being-enough here is the list of words, in no particular order, Kiz says recognisably (as of today, with him being ~16.5 months old):
Bird
Puppy
Mummy
Daddy
Asher (kind of - because the 'sh' sound is to hard so it comes out something vaguely like 'ah-gar')
Baby
Ball
Na (for nose)
Ta-ta (which can mean 'thank you' or 'give it to me' depending on context. He also mimics when we say 'thank you' with the correct intonation and a decent approximation of the sounds of the words)
Nigh' nigh' (night night)
Car
Hello
Bye-bye
Apple
Yes
Bear
New today are cracker and Chacha (Hindi for fathers-younger-brother/Uncle) but I'm not sure if they will stick (I think he's starting to learn a word or two every day now).

He also asks for songs with the actions and sweetly sings 'row row' so that I will do the actions with him. He has a kind of grasp-y sign which means he wants something but no signs that we have taught him and he sometimes strings two words together ("hello puppy" "bey-bye Daddy"). He often insists on taking a book to bed with him, which is very cute and like Asher at the same age he loves being read to. I'm really loving watching the process of the little guy learning language, and this time I'll try and make more notes about it here.

Kiran's Mundan: Before

My baby is losing his hair tomorrow, and he'll no longer be a baby when it's gone. Tomorrow is Kiran's mundan where I (symbolically) lose a baby and gain a toddler. Considering he's almost certainly my last baby that's *it* for me in terms of parenting babies. Unsurprisingly I'm feeling a bit maudlin and nostalgic-in-advance (there's probably a word for that) about the next step in our journey as a family. I'm going to miss my baby and I'm going to miss the special joys of being a mother to a baby.

Tomorrow morning there will be a ceremony with the Pundit at my inlaws place. There will be a hundred or two guests. There will be lunch. Then there will be our little Kiran as a child, not a baby anymore. The next step is a tough one for me because I've always always found toddlers tough going - the neediness, the stickyness, the looniness - and it was only as I parented Asher that I realised that they also have their good points. They are hilarious, loving and watching them learn is better than watching TV because there is *always* something going on.

And so, family life moves on to the next stage. I'll put an update here or perhaps I'll only manage to put pictures up on Flickr.

One month old!

Baby K turned 4 weeks old yesterday! He's a lovely mellow baby but I've worked out that the routine we have doesn't really allow me to blog very easily. He's growing really well and although I haven't weighed him I can tell because he's starting to grow out of the smallest clothes. The Bonds 0000 Wondersuits are almost too tight now and the Target 00000 growsuit doesn't fit at all anymore. He loves being in the Ergo, he sleeps well in the Amby hammock and goes to sleep in the car. Unlike Asher he reliably sleeps on 'non-living surfaces' and is often content to lie around and look out the window or something for minutes at a time - sometimes 10 or 15 minutes, which leaves me free to attend to Asher. The more I live with this easy baby the more I realise that I was not insane to think that Asher was quite needy when he was a newborn and I was a first time mother. In retrospect he behaved more like a close-to-term premmie with his neediness - feeding lots but slowly and falling asleep during feeds but not being able to stay asleep without contact with an adult.

In terms of the routine of our week, I spend Mondays and Tuesdays with both kids, usually with Megan and Karen and their kids too, and for most of that time we are out and about so no time for blogging. Not that being out and about is the main thing stopping me from writing anything on those days -a newborn and an active 3 year old who doesn't nap are really enough.

Wednesdays I usually try to stay home most of the day. I'm usually sore from carting Kiran about in the Ergo for hours on end (5 hours of carrying 5+ kilos will wear you down!) and the house often looks like a pig-sty so I gaze at the baby, do a few loads of laundry and attempt to get an afternoon nap and make dinner. Not once have I managed all of that (today I made beef stew in the morning and got the washing on but Kiran won't let me nap, so I'm cross-legged on the couch with the baby in my lap, periodically getting up to raid the kitchen for chocolate).

Thursday and Friday are for running errands and hanging out with the baby and maybe catching up with a friend for coffee. I've been managing to keep up with the laundry on those days too and I'm hoping to start being able to prepare dinner and pick Asher up from Kindy sometimes too.

Weekends are family time - a lot of the time this means Sanjay hangs out with Asher and I look after the baby. This works really well but I worry that I'll lose my strong connection with Asher and Sanj won't bond well with Kiran - maybe I'm just neurotic and looking for something to worry about?

The rhythms of the days are pretty similar - we wake up for the day when Kiran wakes between 6:45am and 8am. Sanjay and Asher get up and start breakfast while I catch an extra half an hours sleep or feed the baby. We get ourselves ready to go out, and between 8:30 (today) and 10:30am we manage to get ourselves together and get out. Baths for the kids start around 4:30-5pm with dinner then bed for Asher by around 7:30. He seems to be sleeping better now that I'm a bit more strict with bed time. Sanj and I watch TV or clean up or Sanj works while I read until the baby wakes and then I feed him and head to bed. Sanjay either finishes of his work or gets ready for the next day and comes to bed after me. This means I rarely get to sleep before 11pm and Sanj is sometimes up until midnight, which would be OK except we have between 1 and 3 wake-ups to feed baby K. So, not quite enough sleep, but not too bad, considering the baby sleeps well, and generally goes straight back to sleep after he's been fed and changed.

Asher has been just delightful with the new baby. Sanjay and I have been very careful to keep his life as consistent as possible with his previous routine. I also try to ensure that it's never 'the baby' when I want him to be quiet or when he can't have my attention. For instance I tell him that we need to go inside because I'm cold, rather than telling him that the baby needs feeding and he's responding really well. He needs more help with things like feeding himself and putting his shoes on and he gets really whingy sometimes, but he's never been anything but extremely loving with his little brother. We also tell him how much Kiran likes him and what a good big brother he is and Asher being Asher likes that too. He's getting all his sillys out when he's with his mate Miles - the two of them yell and rumble and behave like lads which is simultaneously irritating and hilarious.

The poor little Kiran seems to have a cold - probably from Asher - his chest sounds rattle-y and he's coughing quite a lot. It doesn't seem to be bothering him too much though - he spent ages gazing into my eyes today, trying to talk to me, copying my facial expressions and smiling. The baby, snuggled into the nest of my crossed legs is starting to complain and need feeding. I can't manage much one handed typing, so that's it from me for now....

Could there be anything cuter...

...than your three year old, about to go to the supermarket with his daddy, coming up to you, saying 'bye' then telling you he needs to kiss 'the baby' and reaching over to tenderly kiss your 38+ week pregnant belly and saying "Hi, I'm going, see you later" and finishing with another kiss before heading off? My heart melted!

But, then again, my emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE at the moment. I screamed at Asher for leaving his toys on the floor (despite the floor not being as toy-strewn as usual) and later I got all dewy at him drinking his babycino. Poor kid is totally confused about what reaction anything he is going to elicit from his mother at the moment. Sanjay is in the same boat, exhorting me to rest as I weepily scrub the sink (and the highchair, and polish the buffet, and do more loads of laundry).

I'm hoping I can go into labour soon as this behaviour is driving all of us just nuts. There are some positive signs - I've been getting crampy contractions on-and-off since Tuesday (it's Saturday today) and the OB/GYN says the baby is engaged and really low. So, a rest? Or should I go and dust the doors? I've noticed the bathroom doors particularly are really quite dusty...

Out of the Mouths of Babes?

Last weekend the three of us were out, and about to sit down in a cafe for a much needed coffee when we realised that none of us had any money in our wallets. We were wandering in search of a cash machine when Sanjay said "hang on, there's a TAB" and started to pull a slip of paper out of his pocket and walk off with Asher. At this point I was wondering what on earth was going on but it turns out he had been at the pub the day before (with work!) and there had been some question about which horse had one a race and Sanjay still had the betting slip with him. I stood around and grumpily waited for them to get back, assuming that I'd still have to find an ATM but they came back and Sanjay had a strange expression on his face. He'd got lucky and yesterdays ticket paid enough for us to have coffee and cake but Asher, on seeing Sanjay hand over a slip of paper and receive money in return had asked "Daddy, is this a bank?"

Bedtime Story

Tomorrow it's one calendar month until this baby is due. I feel huge and ungainly, my maternity clothes barely cover my bump, I'm tired and I need to pee all the time. I also have a cold, which is adding to the crankiness and the whingyness. So, to spare you all the force of my grouching I'm going to tell you the bedtime story that Asher tells me every night. After Sanjay has read books with him I go in to tell Asher one of three stories. I tell him my version of the Three Billy Goats Gruff, The Three Bears or The Hare And The Tortoise. Before I start I ask him which story he wants, he tells me he wants the story of The Tortoise, Just the Tortoise. I tell him I don't know that one and he needs to tell me that story and he begins:

Once upon a time there were three tortoises, Luki, Juki, Ooki. They lived in a field and ate grass and flowers and they all lived happily ever after.

Sometiems there is one tortoise, occasionally five and sometimes there names are different, but always a variation on the theme. Whether there are one, three or five tortoises there are still only three names. Occasionally they live in a house (as well as the field) or they eat grass and flowers for breakfast, or some other slight variation. Despite the limited dramatic tension (or any plot *at all*) I find this story quite soothing - feel free to use it anytime you are trying to put me to sleep!

Asher cuteness

Asher is sick with some kind of virus today. He gets all limp and feverish for a while and then, as is the way of kids with viruses, he perks right up and is fine for an hour or two and I wonder what on earth I'm doing at home with him, then, of course, he gets flat and clingy again. This morning, while he was perky, we went for a train ride to North Sydney (no idea why - we haven't been there together since he was a baby) and while we were sitting in a cafe he fell asleep on my lap. I can't recall any other instance of that happening. Now he's tootling about the kitchen eating a sour Granny Smith apple wanting to type.

As far as a general update: The potty stuff has been driving me crazy - he's been doing wees in his pants when I'm looking after him, but almost never if I'm not there (I think he's only had two or three accidents at Kindy, and he's been out of nappies there all year). But now that seems to be settling a bit and he's even started doing his poos in the potty. I'm really proud of him.

He can pretty much make his own breakfast now - he's not great with restricting the amount of milk he pours on his Weetbix and we still spread butter more evenly when we make his toast, but he's got all the concepts down and all of the basic manoeuvres. His fine motor skills are coming along too - he writes A, H and occasionally something else (like a D). He's sitting next to me now and asking me to help him write his favourite words - Asher, Daddy and Mummy. His letter recognition is close to 100% and he''s getting closer to sight-reading words besides his own name. Freakishly, he also likes to write his own name backwards - both Sanj and I thought the other was helping him when we saw REHSA typed but no. He spells it out like that for fun with his foam bath letters too.

Sleep is getting better. We've ditched the daytime nap most days so unless he's at Kindy or we're going somewhere in the car around the middle of the day, no snooze. I'm also trying to get him into bed a bit earlier which seems to help. For a while there he insisted on sleeping on the little foam fold out kids couch in the baby's room but we discovered he was scared of the 'bats' in his room. Since Sanj explained that bats don't like to be inside houses and went around to all the doors and windows to show they were secure against bats before bedtime it's been fine. We are slowly getting our evenings back - which will of course end when the new baby arrives, in approximately 8-10 weeks.

Although he's still obsessed with trains he's also very snuggly and gives me, and the baby in my tummy, lots of kisses and cuddles. He's very verbal and loves quoting and mis-quoting lines from his story books and regularly quotes bits of Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky (we have the Graeme Base illustrated book) which cracks me up completely. While I remember also wanted to write down a few of the funny things he's been saying before I forget them.

Washing hands in the bathroom, Sanjay puts a pump of soap on Asher's hands and he hears "Thank you, SoapMan!"

"Grandma and Grandpa say 'strawberry' but I say 'strawbry'"

"I like your pants, mumbo"

Karen, in the car: which of you kids farted?
Asher: my daddy farts

...I wish I could think of the others right now. Maybe later. Right now he's getting hot and whiny again - it's time to go and snuggle in bed and read some stories in the hope that he falls asleep.

The Sleep Thing

It's the sleep thing again. Asher has been taking a long time to go to sleep, then waking a few times most night recently, and it’s been driving us all pretty crazy. The going to bed routine now consist of teeth brushing, nappy, PJs then Sanjay reading a story, me going in and telling a story (I’ll have to write down my version of the three bears sometime!) then I have to leave and Sanjay has to go back in again. Sometimes that is just a last cuddle, sometimes Sanjay has to stay there until Asher drops off to sleep. After all that palaver Asher’s getting to sleep between 8:30pm and 10pm which means that he’s often tired the next day and Sanjay and I have very little grown-up time together (…and then there is food to be eaten, cleaning up to be done, Sanjay has work to do and we end up tired and grumpy with one another – but that is another post for another time). When there is only one parent present it is often a bit easier, but that doesn’t really solve the problem. When I'm putting him to sleep during the day I'm also noticing that he's practising 'counting' on his fingers - Sanjay has shown him how to hold up one, two, three, four and five fingers but the manual dexterity required means that Asher has had to practise. Maybe part of the sleep disturbance is a developmental change - just like when he was six months old and his sleep was really disturbed just as he was learning to crawl.

When Asher wakes up in the night Sanjay, bless him, usually deals with it. Since nobody sleeps very well when a kicking, fidgeting, toddler is in our bed we tend to escort him back to his own room as soon as he’s calm. Sometimes it’s as simple as going to the kitchen for a glass of water (“with a piece of ice!”). Either way, when it happens occasionally it’s fine, when it’s multiple times a night it’s just not on.

I was too busy trying to ‘fix’ what was obviously broken and didn't stop to wonder what was going on, whether there was a cause. I tried encouraging him to go to sleep by having one of us sleep in his bed next to him (not effective) and I tried being stern and spending less time in the putting to bed routine (even less effective and unpleasant for everyone) and I tried re-framing my thought about how ‘putting Asher to bed’ should be (no one got any more sleep, but I was more relaxed). So the other night when, just before bed, Asher asked me if there were owls at night I absentmindedly told him that there were, and that they flew around outside. Sanjay added that the owls didn’t come inside people’s houses, that they were shy and liked it outside by themselves and then I twigged. We had been reading Beatrix Potter’s ‘The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin’ a lot, particularly at bedtime and it seems that the part where Old Brown the Owl comes very close to skinning and eating naughty little Squirrel Nutkin was just too scary for poor Asher. Unfortunately, instead of Asher choosing a different book or asking me about the story or about owls he just kept requesting the book ("I want my new book again!") and I, not realising that anything was amiss, kept reading it, and making it even scarier with each reading. I had even read, and laughed with sympathetic amusement at, this blog post from Finslippy so you would think I would have twigged to what was going on earlier. I think being 'in the moment' is so necessary in parenting, but conversely you can't be a really thoughtful, 'conscious' parent without removing yourself a bit sometimes.

So, now we are limiting bedtime books to things like Green Eggs and Ham, The Magic Beach and Where's Wally and things are getting a bit better. The night wake-ups are minimised (he has a cold and has woken up snotty a few times, but that's different) and we are going to look at the bedtime routine gradually. I'm going out tomorrow night and might suggest Sanj heads out on Saturday night or early next week so we can try putting him to bed as solo parents in the hope that decreases the amount of neediness at bedtime.

Luna Park

Having fun!!!
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

Yesterday Sanjay had to work at an expo at Luna Park for a few hours in the morning and as part of the deal he got a free passes for Asher and I to use while he was there. We had a great time - I got a coffee and Italian pastry from a nearby cafe first and we headed down, picked up our writbands and then went on some rides. We treid out the big ferris wheel first and after waiting 10 minutes or so we were just about to get on when Asher told me he needed to go to the toilet. Now, I was doubtful that he needed to go, but you ignore a toilet training toddler old making those kind of claims at your peril! Anyway, the very nice ride attendants let us go out and then come back without queueing so I felt like a VIP and Asher still doesn't 'get' that you need to queue before you get to go on rides.

Apart from being exhausted to the point of weeping by the time we caught the train home, it was a really lovely morning. It really feels like he's my little side-kick when we go and do stuff like that - lot's of fun. I'm reminding myself that it won't be long before we'll be a family wherever we go, it won't just be me and my little friend which makes me both sad in a nostalgic kind of way, and stomach-clenchinly anxious about how the hell I'll cope. I'm putting plans in place to help me cope, but the anxiety level is still pretty high.

Reading-Writing

I'm not really sure what to title this post but I'll try to think of something by the time I finish writing. In fact, I've been putting off writing this post for almost a month because talking about this subject makes me feel oogy. I'll just dive right in. Asher is starting to learn to read and write.

He is, in typical Asher fashion, doing it backwards, by actually learning to write, and in the process he's accidentally learning to sight-read the words he can write. Of course he doesn't have the manual dexterity to actually form letters with a pen or crayon yet, but he types. He loves to type. It's just because kids want to do what they see their parents doing, which makes me look like I use the computer as much as I wish I did. Anyhow, one way or another, he's obsessed with letters and words. We use typing as a bribe ("when you've finished your breakfast you can do some typing"). At playgroup he does painting but mostly so I'll help him paint his name (sometimes over and over again, when I'm feeling weak). Whenever we have some waiting to do I get him to point out letters and sometimes words - there are plenty of signs about, there are menus to read, even number plates when we get desperate. When someone asks him his name he tells them A-S-H-E-R. There are a few books that people have given him with his name in them which he will point out every time we read them. In short it's pretty full on, and it makes me feel strangely uncomfortable and even a bit guilty.

I know it's meant to be a good thing to have your kid reading early, right? Right? But because he's only two-and-eight-months I feel he shouldn't be learning reading and writing because he's just too young. I'm strangely terrified of being judged as a pushy mum - one of 'those' mothers who who do flashcards with their babies, lots of classes and structured learning and, in my mind at least, compulsively check 'milestones' and obsess about their kids 'keeping up' with the little kids around them. As far as I'm concerned, this couldn't be further from the truth - I reckon that kids develop at their own pace and different kids have different skills that come easily. I don't think little kids need much extra stimulation, I think they just need to see the adults around them doing normal stuff, and ideally spend a bit of time involved in that normal stuff - cooking, cleaning, shopping and interacting nicely with other people, that kind of normal stuff. It just happens that for me 'normal' also includes spending time on the computer, little kids are amazing learning sponges and perhaps my kid is wired to be able to pick some of the basic reading-writing stuff up pretty early. I actually don't think that this interest in letters, spelling and words marks him as being particularly intelligent (I do think he's really smart! I just don't think that this proves it).

I am proud of my boy, but even more there is a strong feeling of relief that it's unlikely we're going to have to really battle to help him to learn to read and write. I'm also really defensive, but I haven't examined why. I don't know why I'm so concerned about being put in the pushy mum box that I have been unwilling to talk to my friends about this, have been putting off posting here about it and instead just telling his grandparents, who already thinks the sun shines out of his footsteps.

So, as to the post title, I think I should swallow my discomfort and go with the obvious...

My Life in Point Form

So much going on and so little coherence here. I'm blaming the nasty cold Asher brought home from childcare for me, but really it's been going on a bit longer than that. In point form, but no particular order:

• My brother and his girlfriend moved to Singapore. Email contact has been sporadic (phone contact even more minimal) but from what I gather things are good so far. I'm looking forward to hearing more detail soon (hint hint! Tim, get yourself together and email me!)

• My dear friend E had her baby. A short labour, little girl, a month early and only 80g lighter than Asher was at birth. Mum and bub are doing fine, although the little one is taking a while to learn to suck.

• I'm feeling lot's of movement from my little passenger - s/he is even kicking strongly enough for Sanj to feel occasionally, which is nice. I'm starting to get all broody and nesty, which is kinda funny, because it still feels pretty early for that to kick in (21 weeks). The other day I was asking Sanj to help tidy and organise something-or-other and he was sighing and reluctant. I suddenl;y turned into a shrew with a "D'you think the last 20 weeks have gone quickly?" - err, yes - "well the next 20 are going to go AT THE SAME SPEED! SO WE HAVE TO START ORGANISING THINGS!" at which point we both dissolved into laughter. I know all we really need is a box of newborn nappies and to wash a few newborn outfits - nothing that can't be dealt with in the few days I'm in hospital - but the nesty feeling, it's overwhelming.

• I'm having a freak-out about having a newborn and a toddler/preschooler with no drivers license in winter. At the moment the wonderful Karen drives Asher and I around (or we catch public transport) but that'll be impossible with two. I'm having driving lessons, but I won't have my license by the time this baby arrives.

• Asher is being a delight. Today he went to sleep with his arm over my neck, holding my hand, all snuggled up. I've decided that 2.5 is an age of contrasts, because two weeks ago he was making me more angry than I've ever felt toward him, just with normal, defiant, toddler behaviour. His language is just lovely (when he's not whining) and he's funny and kind - I love the way he strokes my belly so softly and talks to the baby. He absolutely freaked me out when he fell off the bed, from standing, onto his back today though. I have a sneaking suspicioun he had a very very slight concussion or black out - after I'd scooped him up onto the bed he went a bit grey and his eyes rolled back in his head, but he started crying when I screamed out all panicked for Sanjay to come NOW! (Sanj slowly sauntered in, assuming there had been a potty accident). We watched him VERY closely for two hours and he's fine, but this was the closest I've come to taking him up to the local ER.

...and that's the short list. I promise to write a post that isn't in point form within the next week.

How does a toddler undestand Love?

If this conversation is anything to go by, Asher might think that loving someone means that you enjoy hanging out with them. It occured at around 9pm last night, when Sanjay was at the end of his tether trying to get Asher to sleep.

Sanjay: Goodnight Asher, I love you and Mumbo loves you and now you need to go to sleep
Asher: I don't love Mumbo
Sanjay: Yes you do, you love her the most!
Asher: I love you, and when you're not here, I love Mumbo
Sanjay (not knowing what else to say): Goodnight.

The 'good' toddler

Someone asked me this morning if Asher was 'a good boy' and to be honest, I didn't really know how to answer. I've been thinking about it all day and the more I think about it the more it reminds me of when people, usually older women, used to ask me if he was a 'good' baby. The answer then was that yes, he was a very good baby, and he was behaving just as he should for an x week/month old. The answer now is a bit more complicated but I still believe he, like all other kids who have the opportunity, is a good kid. I think he pushes limits like a crazy man, has tantrums over seemingly small issues, I think he desperately needs to test out new skills and assert his Independence, I think his attention span is toddler-short and he can't clean up his toys, sit still for more than a moment unless he's consuming a babycino, go to sleep by himself easily or cope with changes to the routine, hunger, thirst or tiredness, but yes is a really good kid. In other words all the things that drive me absolutely freaking mental about Asher are age appropriate behaviours and particular to Asher's temperament. He doesn't really try to be either 'good' or 'bad' he just is completely himself and bent on exploring the world and getting our what he wants (mostly just our attention and approval) as quickly and efficiently as possible. The more consistent I can be and the more I can reward the behaviour that I want, the more I get a 'good kid' to deal with.

(I had to interrupt that paragraph to go and get Asher, who had let himself out the front door - the behaviour of a good kid? I have since deadlocked the front door which should take him at least a few weeks to figure out.)

Which brings me to today. We came home from a lovely morning at the playground (Bradfield Park, a.k.a. Train Park for anyone who knows Sydney) Asher had a shakey (home-made smoothie, praise be to the Bamix), got his nappy on without complaint and then we lay down for one book, one story and our snooze. Instead of this process taking 20 minutes, Asher was still bouncing around next to me while I lay on his bed gritting my teeth an hour and a half later. I changed the poo that was in his nappy (how had I not smelled that?) popped him back into his bed and sternly told him to stay in bed and go to sleep. I left him in there for almost an hour, ignoring the occasional crashes and bangs and snatches of cheerful singing. When I went to get him out the room looked like this:

I opened the door to see Asher sitting in the little clear space right in the middle. When I called Sanj and told him what happened his only comment was 'what a good boy!' (distinctly *not* what I was thinking at the time), but after some reflection I guess I agree with him. He played and explored and did what I had asked to the best of his ability.

So it's time to go out for fish and chips at the beach for dinner, and because I've been paying attention here rather than to him the lounge room is literally covered in toys, I've had to have firm words about the outside tap (there is water all over the deck) and I've already had to fix the Ikea easel. Now he's crying because the sticker he asked for is sticky. But still he is a good boy!

Absurdist conversation

Some of the best parts of living with a toddler are the wild and crazy conversations one suddenly finds oneself in the midst of. Much better than dealing with the 45 minutes of exhaustion tantrum today or Asher's research into what pisses his mother off yesterday (it seems flinging oneself on the ground repeatedly whilst walking around the shopping centre will eventually do it). This conversation is as close to verbatim as I can remember it. It happened on the train coming home from dinner with my dad on Saturday night.

Asher: I'm a fish
Keda: A baby fish?
Asher: A big fish!
Sanjay: In a small pond?
Asher: No, in a big one.
Keda: So you are a big fish in a small pond?
Asher: Yes
Sanjay: What kind of fish are you? A red herring?
Asher: No
Keda: A carp?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A sardine?
Asher: No
Keda: A dolphin*?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A cod?
Asher: No
Keda: A tuna fish?
Asher: Yes! I'm a tuna fish!

* Yeah, I know, dolphins aren't fish. We were both giggling and I was finding it difficult to think of random fish by this point.

Update - Part II

So, Christmas was good. We left Sydney about two hours later than planned on Christmas eve and went up the coast to my mothers. Christmas morning there was Santa, presents then lunch, snoozing and a trip to the beach in the late afternoon. The rest of the holiday saw twice daily trips to the beach, a kid who was happy as a clam playing in the sand (even letting Sanj and I head off for a swim in the surf together and contentedly playing with 'Granny Frani' or an aunt or uncle!) but slightly whiny and out-of-sorts at the house. He slept on a mattress on the floor in the same room as us, which worked out really well (i.e. we all got enough sleep). Apart from some slight unexplained grouchiness from Sanjay it was all one can hope for in a family holiday.

Asher's development is amazing at the moment. His language is coming on a pace and he's starting to really 'get' a whole bunch of concepts that seemed to be quite hazy recently, e.g. size comparisons:

Scene: Sanjay and Asher in the shower
Asher: You've got a big peenie. I've got a *tiny* one!
Sanjay: ....!

As I mentioned in my previous post, he's also started potty training. He didn't wear a nappy much while we were away and did most of his wees and poos on the potty and since we've been back he's only in a nappy at sleep time (both day and evening). So far it seems to be relatively successful. No accidents at all on days one and two, three accidents yesterday (including the fist set of poo covered undies! Yuck!) and none today so far (he's asleep at the moment). Unfortunately he doesn't really tell us when he needs to go, and at home that's just fine as he can get his undies down by himself and he just takes himself off to the potty most of the time. Slightly more of a problem when we are out though - what I've had success with so far is showing Asher where the toilets are when we get somewhere and then watching and helping when I see signs of him going to the bathroom (by that I mean trying to get the door open or whatever, not jiggling around holding his penis!). It's all kind of exciting and kind of a hassle, but I think he's been more-or-less ready for a while and we picked a reasonably good time to go with him on this. Tonight Asher and I are catching the train to the city and going to dinner in Chinatown with my dad (Sanj is at the Cricket and we're meeting him there) then we are catching the train home together which all seems pretty complicated from a toilet perspective, so with me luck!

A Big Move

It appears that my little boy took another step on the road to being a big boy today. When it was time for his day sleep he told me he wanted to sleep in the spare room. As I acquiesced I thought to myself 'whatever, as soon as he gets outa that bed he's straight into the cot' but he surprised me. He did get out of bed once and came and came and told me he didn't want a sleep. I said to him that if he got out of bed again he'd have to go into his cot. A minute or two later there was a crashing noise and some crying. When I went in he was rubbing his head and the venetian blind was up. I put the blind back down lay down next to him for a minute or two then left, while he was still 'reading' his new* favourite book. Ten minutes later when I went in he was asleep cuddling the book, and he slept beautifully for over two hours (I took the photo later on when I didn't mind if the quiet click of the camera woke him).

Tonight when bedtime rolled around he told us again that he wanted to sleep in the spare room so I found a top sheet (a queen bed sheet folded in two) and tucked one of the larger cot blankets in and he went to sleep without a peep (which is in itself unusual these days). When we went in to check on him he freaked us out by being horizontal right up the top of the bed and thus invisible in the weak light of Sanjay's mobile phone. When we found him we moved him down and tucked him in tightly and I'll let you know tomorrow if he sleep all night without incident.

This all means it's definitely time to clean up the bed I got off eBay (I'm thinking of painting it but I don't know if I will get around to it quickly enough), buy a new mattress** and wash the cute monkey sheets we purchased with him a week or two ago.

* I got the Christmas decorations down from their storage spot on Sunday. The two Christmas kids books we own were there conveniently with the decorations - I felt SO super organised and I wish I remembered where I read the tip to 'store seasonal kids books with seasonal decorations' so I could credit it here.

** I'm all in a quandary about getting a mattress. I definitely don't want a second hand one (blergh!) but I don't want a new one (off gassing! environmental impact!). Does anyone have any advice on buying an environmentally responsible new mattress? What about mattress protectors with no PVC in them? Help!

Christmas - without the 'Christ'

I just want to warn you that in the next few days I am going to go Scroogy-grump with Christmas gift blog post! In preparation, so you don't think I'm the meanest mother in the world I want to post about Santa, and how the our family Christmas traditions are evolving. I am not Christian, or at all religious (in fact, I get more deeply athiest by the year), but I really love the sense of tradition that comes with doing the same things at the same times every year and the family rituals that develop around that. I also like being able to have my own personal thanksgiving (we don't have Thanksgiving in Australia!) and that means, for me, making time to celebrate the important people in my life.

Asher will be two-and-a-half this Christmas, which means, he was eighteen months last Christmas and six months the one before that. Which means, I think, that this will be the first Christmas he has any hope of remembering. That also means that we are still creating family traditions and rituals!



I have never had a Christmas tree in my own home. We always had them when I was a kid, but there's something hard-to-put-my-finger-on that I don't really like about them. I'd like to say it was purely environmental concern but I suspect there is something else to it as well. What I do like is the tradition of some seasonal decorations and so we have developed our own thing - we go for a walk and find ourselves some 'Christmas sticks' which we decorate, with varying degrees of aesthetic success. This year I'm looking for some spray glitter to jazz up the sticks we find. I wish I could find a picture of last year's stick for comparison purposes, rather than only this really blurry one!

So, all of our Christmases have involved the three of us heading up the coast to see my family at Crowdy Head. This means a four hour drive and staying in their big crazy house in a tiny town with a harbour, two beaches and a fish co-op. Crowdy Head seems to known only to yachties, keen surfers (the break isn't great but it's a stopping-point on the way north) and fishermen. We spend out time up there eating and drinking, walking around the headland or the rocks and going to the beach.

Christmas eve we put Asher's Santa sack out for Santa to fill, and then during the night Santa comes by and fills it up with goodies. So far the tradition seems to be that Santa brings

• A new outfit


• A book


• Some toys (usually of the handmade variety - last year it was a bag of wooden vegetables as well as a bouncy ball and a few other bits and bobs)


• Something good to eat (when Asher was 6 months old he brought organic rusks!)

...which I think is pretty restrained for an Australian Santa.

On Christmas morning, just like when I was a child, Santa presents are opened up, then comes breakfast, then comes family presents, followed by lunch and an afternoon of lolling around. Sanjay gets so frustrated during the opening of the family presents - they have to be opened one-by-one in turn, and everyone has to spend a bit of time ooh-ing and ah-ing over every gift, so the process takes a fair while.

So far, this is working out for our new little family. Sanjay's family don't complain to me about us not spending Christmas with them, because, to be fair, we do spend every single Hindu festival with them. I think my dad probably misses out a bit, but he will usually volunteer to work on Christmas day to allow other doctors to spend time with their families. I think he feels like he spent so much of my childhood caught up with work that he can't ask us to give up the other things that we want to do at Christmas for him - but perhaps that's just my hopeful interpretation?

Potty Time?

Warning: this post contains multiple references to various exretory bodily functions. Read at your own risk.

Over the last month Asher has been gradually using the potty more and more often. We are at a stage now where he wees in the potty once or twice most days but he had never used the potty for a poo, until today. Not only had he not done a poo in the potty but he had never given us any warning, either verbal or behavioural, that he was about to. Today that all changed.

We were in a shopping centre, near toilets that he has been to with his little toilet-trained friend and he asked to go to the toilet. I assumed it was just a delaying tactic he was using because he'd seen a familiar toilet stop, but we went in, removed the nappy and he sat there while my back got slowly more painful (I need to hold him a bit so he doesn't slip down into the bowl) and I got correspondingly more impatient. About two minutes elapsed (it felt like ten!) with him telling me it was 'coming' whenever I asked him if he just wanted to put his nappy back on and finally he said 'it's coming out my bottom!' and 30 seconds later he did his first ever poo in the toilet. I was so proud of him, and so happy there was going to be one less poopy nappy to deal with! I was more than usually patient with my tired kid as we walked home.

We got home and had a sandwich for lunch and I put him to bed. He didn't go to sleep immediately and when he called out to me urgently I would go in and give him a cuddle and tell him to go to sleep. Once he had got his foot stuck in the bars of the cot, and once he had ripped the spine-covering off a favourite board-book. This whole process went on for ages (ummm, over an hour, which is not that unusual), and whenever I was not rescuing feet etc I was searching the 'net for nice cotton training pants. The next time he called out I was ready to be a bit stern - it was pretty much my last chance for him to have a day sleep that wasn't too late to interfere with bed-time. I realised as soon as I opened the door that all was not well. He had his nappy on but there we smears of what seemed to be poo on his cot sheet, and a big wet patch that could only be wee. I changed the stinky nappy, changed the sheets washed hands all the while trying to work out how the nappy could be on but poo could be on the sheets. Every time I asked Asher he just said 'gotta change it' which was undeniable. I put him back in bed for a little while, but next time he called out he told me he needed to do a wee in the potty so I let him out and now he's running around in big-boy undies playing with his Duplo.

So, perhaps I'll order some training pants and browse for toilet training tips but I won't start anything just yet.

* * * * * * * * * * *
A moment or two after I published this post I heard Asher in the bathroom. He's been in there earlier and got water everywhere so I went in ready to be irritated only to find my darling child with his big-boy undies around his ankles having done a wee in his potty, after removing his undies (key point!). I got him to sit back down so I could take a photo!

...and then again, another hour later he took himself in and did yet another wee. I think I will put the order for training pants through today after all - I think this is one of those things that is going to happen now whether I'm ready or not.

Wax, or The Scary Near-Drowning Incident

This is an incredibly tangential approach to the Unplug Your Kids Projects theme of the week - wax. I'm using the theme as a springboard for 'fessing up about something truly horrible that happened to us the other day in the hope of reminding everyone about the dangers of drowning! (and we were very Unplugged at the time, considering we were on the beach).

Last week at the beach Asher and his friends were getting water in their buckets and coming up and tipping it on the sand, and Asher kept going into the water a bit further in each time. He is usually pretty safe and I was up the top of the beach watching, knowing I really should take my sneakers off, roll up my jeans and head down to the edge of the water. I knew I needed to be close to him to remind him not to go deeper than his knees and to fish him out if he fell over but I really didn't want to get all sandy and wet. While I was working myself up to removing shoes I was standing watching Asher, and my friend were sitting on the warm sand suggesting that he would be fine and I just sit down. As I was watching though, he did go under, he was quite deep and he couldn't keep his head above the water. I RAN down there and waded right in and fished him out, scooping him up under his belly to help the water out of his lungs. He coughed and gurgled a bit and was a bit shaken, so I stood him on the edge of the sand and asked him to cough the water up and spit it out. I was shaking but being as outwardly calm as I could manage so as not to freak Asher out any further. Once we went up the beach he was quite content to sit on the sand playing while I chastised myself and then peeled most of my clothes off (thankfully the aforementioned friends were able to clothe me - M gave me her towel to wear around my waist and K took her singlet off for me).

I'm normally so hyper-vigilant about burns*, water and cars (being the things that are statistically most likely to do harm to my kid) and I feel so bad about it but I've certainly learned my lesson (lots of rescue remedy yesterday afternoon helped!). Drowning is the leading cause of accidental death in 0-4 age bracket in Australia, and I am SO glad I was watching him so carefully.

Now, what does this have to do with wax? I did tell you it was a tenuous connection didn't I? Well, after the event I sat down and decided to make a plan to ensure that nothing like this happened again. I started off by thinking about why I didn't just go down to the edge of the water and the excuses I came up with were pretty pathetic. I realised that if I had been wearing a skirt and thongs (flip-flops for the North Americans!) I wouldn't have hesitated. Why wasn't I wearing a skirt? I hadn't shaved my legs! (and I don't have many skirts). So I made a plan to get my legs waxed and shop for a few more skirts or dresses. The leg-wax part of the plan went ahead and the skirt buying part is still to come.


* my father is a paediatric surgeon and burns specialist and I've grown up with a lot of very scary stories about burns and scalds. I can't help having a high level of anxiety!