Today is my birthday...

They are pretending to be frogs

...and unsurprisingly it started like a regular morning. I was woken up at some ungodly hour (not just your regular gollygoshthisisearly 6am but more of a holyfuckingshit 4:30ish am) by my eldest who has been having nightmares and coming into bed with us. Unfortunately he sleeps like he's wrestling tigers which is, ah, uninspiring in a bed mate. So he cuddled me and rode his dream bicycle and I tried to sleep, with a kind of desperate terror that this would be IT and I wouldn't get anymore sweet, sweet sleep til I went to bed, far too many hours in the future. At some point he sat up a bit and said sleepily 'happy birthday mum' and, despite knowing that was the end of any chance for sleep, my heart got warmed in a way it rarely does. My kid's first thought for the day was of ME.

Despite finding things pretty overwhelming some times (OK, a lot of the time) I just adore those two kids and I'm surprised and thankful by what pleasant people they are turning into.

(Chickens should be coming tomorrow - I'll post pics!)

Today my baby, my first baby, turns six

Last night, as I tucked the blankets around him, I hugged him tight and told him ‘this is the last time I’m going to get to say goodnight to my little five year old’ I saw his face light up. It lit up with the realisation, not just that it would be his birthday in the morning, that there would be presents, and cupcakes to take to school, but that things were changing for him. I consider six to be one of those liminal times, where the mother-centred life of early childhood elides into something more external and outward-focussed. If I remember correctly, in his book ‘Raising Boys’ Steve Biddulph talks about six being the age when boys go from being (and I wish I had a more elegant way of saying this) their mother’s children to being their father’s children.


It’s a happy coincidence that his birth happened so close to the winter solstice – these are the darkest, most home and hearth focussed weeks in the year and as the light increases, we tend to become more outward looking. Less interested in hanging around home with our nearest and dearest, more likely to head ‘out’ somewhere. This mirrors what I feel is happening for Asher.

I’m feeling really good about this blossoming. I feel somehow safe, like this is the right time for this. I don’t want to keep him a baby or push him away. I want to walk half a step behind him, ready to answer his questions and share his joys, ready to note points of interest and encourage him to get up when he falls. I want to watch him grow into himself.

I think I might start him catching the bus to school after these school holidays, just one or two days a week. That way I can let him know that I trust him to be safe as he goes out into the world.

What is an Educational Philosophy?

I've been thinking even more than usual about education for little kids this month and, freakishly, I feel like I've come to a small conclusion about my own 'educational philosophy' (for want of a better term).

This all came about because Asher had a trial day at John Colet School. I really like the school and think that with it's emphasis on manners (and the reason behind them), structure and intellectual rigour it would be a really good fit for Asher. I have always said that it's not just about a school being 'good' but about it being a good fit for a particular kid, and I think that John Colet will be right for Asher. So, we talked to the headmaster and he suggested we think about starting Asher in Kindergarten this year. He is old enough, just, to have started Kindergarten at the beginning of the year, but at the end of last year we knew he absolutely wasn't ready for school. Now, after almost six months at KU Preschool his social skills have improved markedly and there are kids he knows from preschool who are his friends, who he wants to invite to his birthday party. So he went along for a trial day and it went OK for Asher, but we met a marked lack of enthusiasm from the teacher. She actually seems like a good teacher but she does have a bias. She's one of the people who believe, in her words that 'children, especially boys, who start school young will always be at a disadvantage' compared to the other children. Since teacher perceptions influence educational outcomes (and probably how much students enjoy school!) I really don't want Asher to have a teacher (for 3 years) who firmly believes that he will always be behind because of his age. I know Asher, I know how incredibly quickly he picks things up, I know that he has a long attention span and can sit still and focus for reasonably long periods for a child of his age-group and what I want for him is a teacher who believes in him.

Since we've ruled out that option we have to looks at 'what now' and my two next favourite options are a) send him to John Colet School to start Kindergarten next year or send him to the local public school for Kindergarten half-way through this year. My next steps will be to talk to the local public school about a mid-year intake and to put Asher on the wait list for John Colet. The other possibility is, of course, is to send him to the local public school Kindergarten starting next year. If we do that I'm worried he'll be bored. Not all of the time of course, but considering he reads pretty well and his level of numeracy is quite astounding, he has a decent grasp of science that pretty much leaves handwriting and the arts to focus on. And this brings me to my revelation.

I think I really like John Colet because they seem to teach to a subject, theme or text, and use that to teach a variety of things at a variety of levels. Conversely, at the local public school they use a text, theme or topic to teach skills set out in the curriculum.

At John Colet they study something, and use that study to develop skills. For instance, John Colet teaches Shakespeare, even to the youngest children. This will help them learn vocabulary and reading, public speaking and drama, storytelling and probably a bunch of other things. This means that kids who are already proficient in one area can be encouraged by what they can do and directed to work on what they find difficult. This seems to me to be a really good strategy for teaching to a bunch of levels - got gifted kids in a class? No problem, Shakespeare is tough enough for serious scholarship. Got kids with intellectual/physical/social difficulties? No problem, there's something in the work for everyone.

The public school model is fine when all the kids are at a pretty similar level, but when you have kids with quite disparate needs this model seems to be less robust, and more difficult to ensure all kids are getting their learning needs met.

So there you go, it's not massive or complicated, just a small difference in framework which seems to have the power to change the way a classroom works. It also has pretty clear implications for where I would like MY kid to go to school.

Belated first day of preschool roundup

Asher's first day went really well - we couldn't have asked for more - but since Monday I've been overwhelmed with heat, cranky kids, a proposal for some paid work, a lovely wedding of a dear friend and more heat, so I haven't had time to update. Now we are sitting quietly inside, Asher is eating toast and watching some really random kids show, Kiz is in bed (Me: Kizzie, do you want some more toast or do you want to go to bed? Kiz: Bed! ...and the poor tired hot kid toddles toward his bedroom) and I'm meant to be working on a proposal.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, we love the place and feel like we should have sent him there earlier. We like the teachers and we like the focused vibe of the place and more importantly, Asher already seems happier there than at his previous childcare.

We all went together to drop Asher at preschool for the first time. We hung around for about half an hour, bumping into two people we know and chatting with Asher's teacher and when we left he seemed pretty happy. He was digging a hole to see how deep the sandpit was, and what was on the bottom. When I arrived to pick him up he was happily playing a board game with a teacher and a few other kids. They all seemed to be quietly concentrating. He was pleased to see me, but not overly so. Unfortunately the next few days were tough. I think the stress of the change had got to him somewhat and I dealt with sub-tantrum wailing of the pathetically unreasonable variety on-and-off for two days.

I'm looking forward to seeing what next week, when he'll be there for three days, brings...

Oh the questions of a 4 year old!

I didn't think the Starbright, Meditations for Children book Elvira brought us today would cause quite so much difficult conversation with my 4 year old. When I pictured parenting a preschooler I expected to have to field questions about things like why the sky is blue (It's got something to do with, ah, reflection or refraction - lets look it up!) and where babies come from (they come from a mummies tummy! - How do they get in there? - Ah, well, ah, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much and want to make a baby they, ah, well you've seen little plants grow from seeds? Well babies kind of grow from special seeds. Kind of) but Asher still surprises me. Not just difficult but doable questions like 'What is shift work' 'What is the government' and yesterday, driving through the rural fringes of Sydney, 'Is that a Tapir?' (it was a remarkably tapir shaped cow, for any punters out there who might be wondering) but tonight I needed to try and explain magic, guardian angels and what his imagination is!  

I always try to answer Asher's questions simply and honestly, with appropriate depth and detail (I find the key is to answer the question he's really asking, without getting into details unless he asks further) because I feel that is the respectful way to address the genuine questions of a smart kid. And it appears that it's not just his parents and immediate family who think he's a bright kid. We spend a lot of time with some pretty exceptional preschoolers, so Asher seems bright and inquiring but relatively normal for his age but Asher's childcare teacher has noticed his facility with language and his literacy and numeracy skills and has suggested we get him assessed. We are somewhat ambivalent about this and cagey about having a preschooler labelled as 'gifted and talented' (or whatever) but it seems the benefits might outweigh our niggling reservations - we aren't overly happy with how things are at childcare and feel this might be the key to changing things for the better. We are going to ask what they are planning to do with the information with respect to looking after his 'special needs' with the follow-up question being why they aren't currently providing him with a more thought-out program.


So for now, send us sympathy. We need to try to answer all this smart little kid's difficult questions and give him with enough food for thought without overwhelming him. We want to provide for his thirst for knowledge without burying him under our expectations. Really, in the end, we just want the kid to be happy.

They say a picture speaks a thousand words...

...and if that's true, then I'm still blogging, albeit in a slightly different format. Check out Flickr for the latest updates, leave a comment or two and I'll be back here to give a more wordy update within the next day or two.

Past time for an Asher update

Asher writes his name!
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

There's an aphorism that goes 'where the attention goes, the energy flows' and it's a principle which I feel has been active in our household recently. Because of the focus on getting the baby to sleep there hasn't been as much attention on Asher, and we're all suffering a little because of it. Asher's behaviour has been a bit ratty and he's been having trouble getting to sleep. So this post is all in honour of Asher and his amazing achievements.

Asher has never been one for drawing faces. I have tried to encourage drawing because it's something I loved as a child (and a big kid too!) but no dice. I thought it was *probably* because he's uncomfortable with the fact that his drawing don't come out the way they look in his head but I also worried that it might be a symptom of something else. Did he perhaps have underdeveloped fine motor skills? So this week when he said he wanted to write his name I wrote his name on the Magnadoodle for him to copy. The photo is of his first attempt. I was surprised and amazed by the result! His letters are really recognisable and his grip on the pen is reasonable. Reading and writing are some his favourite things.

His other obsession-of-the-moment is the zoo. He has a map of Taronga Zoo that he carries with him almost all the time and busily "does map referencing" looking at the symbols then turning the paper over to the map and looking for the coordinates and finding the symbol on the map. His pretend play centres around going to the zoo, looking at the animals and using the map to find his way around the zoo. All very cute.

Our other big development is that we have started night-time potty training. I went to the supermarket with Asher and we talked about pull-ups being for kids who were ready to wake up when they needed to do a wee in the night. He suggested we get some and we talked about putting them in his cupboard for when he thought his body would be ready. A few days later he came to me and told me he was ready to try the 'special pants' and he's been in them ever since. He's only had one wet pull-up in the week or ten days he's been using them. Rather impressive for a kid who had a very wet nappy most mornings. So much for a week or two of dry nappies as a marker of ready to be dry at night.

As well as the exciting developments there is also more of the same. A kid who manages to simultaneously have us in fits of laughter and drive me so mental I distract myself from losing my temper by composing ads for when I try to sell him on eBay. I love him.


In Kiran news: I got into Tresillian on a cancellation - we are going next week. Eeeep!

Quote of the week

Scene: getting ready to go out to the park for a ride on the scooter
Sanjay: Asher, where is your scooter and helmet?
Asher: I assume they are in the garage

What sort of three-and-a-half year old 'assumes' things? He was right or course, the scooter and helmet were in the garage.

Asher and Kiran

First and foremost I want to say happy birthday to my lovely 21 year old sister Clare. I'm so proud of her and so thankfull for the way she rescues me on a regular basis (like yesterday - I have a sprained ankle and two kids to look after!) but I want to discuss that in more detail after our weekend away with her and the family.

Asher and Kiran
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

Sanjay thinks this photo really sums up the way our kids are interacting at the moment. I agree - it makes my heart just melt! The protective big brother hand, the adoring, fascinated look from Kiz. This morning, when Asher and Sanjay left for Kindy and work Kiz cried and cried as they closed the door behind them because he loves following his big brother around so much.

Asher is as good with Kiran as I could have imagined. He's rarely rough with him, and when he is it's almost always done with love and it's just boisteroius play. Kizzy usually laughs like a maniac as his big brother crash tackles him. When Asher does get frustrated with the baby he generally yells rather than hits and as soon as I take Kiran away from his Duplo building/block tower/train tracks it is all OK again.

Kiz is crawling around like a crazy thing and into everything. He pulls himself to standing easily and this week, at 8 months, has started to take a few cruising steps along whatever he's holding on to. The little bear is still not eating much solid food, but these last few days I feel like we've turned a corner there too, with him being a bit more willing and interested. Asher and Kiran happily share a squeesy Vaalia yoghurt and last night Kiz was snatching noodles out of Sanjay's hands and eating them. I'm hoping the solid food thing picks up a bit because at the moment I'm pretty much breast feeding him 3 hourly 'round the clock which is exhausting for all of us (or maybe just for me?). I have certainly lost a fair bit of weight and I fit into all my pre-pregnancy pants (the breast feeding bosoms are another story, and I don't fit into many tops unfortunately) .

Kiz makes his needs known quite clearly. I was putting him to sleep the other night (I usually feed him to sleep. It works for us) and he de-latched, looked at me, and started to vocalise softly and sweetly. I worked out that he was asking for me to sing to him - I started softly singing and he went back to the breasfeed and fell asleep soon after. He also mimics us - he'll say 'gah!' when he wants to comment on something or wants to talk and then will copy me fairly succesfully when I say mum-mum-mum to him.

It's so exhausting at the moment, with lots of night time shenanigans, and so much lifting and carrying of baby K, but I'm so happy with how our two little ones are together.

Parenting Angst

Sleeping Asher
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

Ever since Asher was tiny I've always worried about whether we are parenting him 'right' although I have a little difficulty understanding what I mean by right. I just want him to grow up into a kind person who is reasonably sane. It's hard at the moment though. Asher is 3.5 and having tantrums and in other respects being age-appropriate and pressing all my buttons. Luckily I get to see him sleep sometimes and gaze at his face when it's at rest and wonder that we created this whole person who is growing into himself. I wonder if I'm going to get as frustrated with Kiran when he gets a bit older? Probably, and I'll appreciate a reminder me to gaze at his sleeping face and soak up the peacefulness.

Asher's Bedtime Story

The evening routine is pretty arduous here at the moment. After a week of evening stuff happening (friend's birthday dinners, Diwali, etc) Asher hasn't been going to sleep til around 9pm and it's taking it's toll. Particularly the two nights last week where Sanj wasn't home - all I wanted was to get the kid to sleep so I could sit down with the TV and a glass of wine. Anyhow, a new evening routine is emerging. Bath, dinner, desert (often a smoothy, a.k.a shaky), teeth, toilet, night nappy, books, story then sleep. I've been keeping Kiran in with us while I read books, then telling the same story that Asher always asks for: the hare and the tortoise. Yesterday he asked me if I wanted him to tell me the princess story and, not having told him any stories with princesses I was very interested. It went something like this:

Once upon a time the princess forgot her glass shoe. She left it on the step. But it was broken, so she took it inside and put it in the bin and it made a big noise. A really big noise. And then they lived happily ever after.

Tonight's story had a "really big puffer fish" a shark and a golden seagull, but I couldn't follow it enough to write it down. I really love the blend of inventiveness and the everyday - his stories remind me of the tales Tim used to tell as a similar age. He had a whole series about a sausage who lived in a biscuit tin!

Status Update

A few days ago, it must have been Tuesday, I was pottering around the house and heard what sounded to me like our neighbors moving house. I was dissapointed and angry at myself for not inviting them around - they brought us cake when we moved in, flowers at Kiran's birth and have been just lovely but we haven't got around to having them over. The next day I realised that it was the neighbors on the other side, who we don't know at all, who may have been moving - it certainly wasn't the lovely people from number 46! So, realising that I was really angry at myself for not making an effort I decided that this weekend we would invite them over for cake in the afternoon. I am generally really crap with my good intentions - all plan, no follow-through so I'm putting it our here so I do it.

Anyone who isn't interested in micro-detail regarding my kids can stop reading now!

Last week, at three months and one day Kiran flung himself over (front-to-back) he's also noticably turned from an air breathing foetus into a baby - he's more alert, he sleeps for longer stretches and he startles more easily. He also smiles whenever anyone talks to him and vocalises lovely little magpie noises, which are sometimes quite loud and assertive, when he has something important to say. I'm sad to say I've only just noticed him sleeping for longer stretches during the day because it's only this week that I have put him down for a morning sleep in his bed, rather than getting him up and carting him all over the place. I think I'm going to have to have more at-home time built into our week to let the poor kid sleep a bit more. Poor second child!

Watching him find his hands and be able to get them (and sometimes whatever they are holding, if he's lucky) into his mouth has been lovely - first he waves both hands about and then, when they find each other he clings on for dear life, you can almost see the knuckles going white with the effort. Then he brings them up to his mouth and fits as much of the 'double fist' in as he can. Once they are in there he anjoys the dual sensation - the feel of the cool fingery things writhing around in his mouth and the lovely warm sucking sensation that he feels radiating up from the ends of his arms. He can amuse himself this way for significant periods of time now, allowing me to potter about and get a few things done.

Asher is also coming along in leaps and bounds - I think I mentioned that he can use cutlery, holding his fork still while he cuts with his knife? Well, the other day he also surprised me by peddalling his trike around the back deck. This doesn't seem like much of an achievement for a three year old, but the erganomics (is that the right word?) of the trike are such that it actually looks really difficult to pedal - he needs both co-ordination and quite a lot of strength. After having a go on another kid's learner bike (with training wheels) he came home and could suddenly manage his own trike. He's also been being really good (sporadically). Tuesday we spent a lot of time together at home without anyone else around which is often a recipe for both of us to get irritated, but there wasn't so much as a raised voise all day! And by the time Sanj got home both kids were bathed! I'm kinda proud of both of us for that!

All's well that ends well

Good morning Asher!
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

The swelling in Asher's mouth has gone down, and decreased our distress. The tooth fairy was a success, although we haven't played the game yet and Asher's fever vanished and both the boys are now a picture of health. I'm a bit worried about the sign at Asher's Kindy that said there had been a confirmed case of measles at the the centre because baby K isn't due for his Measles, Mumps Rubella vaccine until he's 12 moths old. I would just *hate* him to get sick again, particularly while we are away on holiday.

Speaking of the holiday - I am getting really excited. Sanjay and I both need some time out from the daily grind, even if we will still be doing the very much full-time job of parenting a preschooler and an infant. I'm collecting fun stuff for Asher to do on the plane - I found a nice sticker book today and I'm considering a maths workbook that, embarrassingly enough, I think he would really love. It deals with shape recognition and sequencing and is designed for 3-6 year olds and I think he would really dig both the subject matter and the workbook format. The only reason I didn't buy it was because I felt like it was a step on the path to Kumon* and tutoring for the under 6s and that whole over-scheduling thing that freaks me out so much. I suspect I'm overthinking the whole thing and I should have just shelled out the damn $7.95 or whatever.

Planning for the trip is pretty much complete - we are staying with my brother then going with E and B and baby Madi to Club Med. I never thought I was a resorty type of person, particularly the insulated world of Club Med, but I'm really looking forward to a visit to the land of the all-included resort. We are going there to switch off for a bit, not to get ourselves any 'kulcha' - I'll let you know how it all goes when I get back.

By way of a quick developmental update about both kids:

Asher: is on the path to reading by recognising more sight words (maybe about 10?), can concentrate for longer periods of time, is really good at pushing our buttons. Sanjay is slightly concerned about his 'drawing and colouring' so I'm going to look for some activities for him that use pencil skills.

Kiran: is smiling, chuckling and burbling like a lovely little magpie. He gazes at us and tracks us really well within his field of vision. He wakes us between once and three times a night and usually still feeds and goes back to sleep. He's generally a lovely cheerful little chap and a delight to have around.


* I know nothing about Kumon except that the idea of tutoring for Kindy kids freaks me out. I might check out their website now so I can bash them mercilessly or immediately enrol Asher to help him get into a selective high school (people apparently do this!).

I've always wanted to be a fairy!

Tooth Fairy duties have been completed. The tooth has been removed to a secure location, the gift is in place on the top of Asher's bed and gold glitter and shiny gold sequin stars have been left at the gift site and also on the door handle to the balcony (a little hand lotion on the fingers worked a treat). I am WAY more excited about this than he is.

The fairy chose the Very Hungry Catterpillar game because she knows I love board games and card games and I really want Asher to eventually love them too. I'm going to encourage him to bring it with us when we go away and perhaps we can learn to play it with E and B, who enjoy those kinds of games as well.

It's a pity that the poor little guy had a high fever this evening. We dosed him up with Panadol (again) and we're hoping for the best. If its his first ear infection we want to catch it ASAP so it doesn't cause a drama our flight to Singapore. It's far more likely to be a chest infection - he sounds pretty disgusting when he coughs.

When too much drama isn't enough.....

My poor baby lost one of his front teeth today! He went scooting with Sanj after our morning trip to the local cafe and Sanjay was at him to scoot rather than walk with the scooter. He was apparently going down a fairly gentle hill and braking really well when he took a tumble. His tooth came out, cleanly, there is a big gruesome gash on the inside of his top lip, a small graze on his forehead and the top lip is swollen, bruised and very slightly grazed. Sanjay called me straight away, before there was any clear idea of the damage (well, he'd picked up the surprisingly clean tooth from the pavement so he had *some* idea) and I was really glad that they were still with my family - my mother went into 'nurse mode' and calmed both Sanjay and I down considerably when she worked out that there was little likelihood of permanent damage. I'm really really glad the kid was wearing his helmet (or, as Asher calls it, his 'helment')

The bleeding had stopped by the time they got home (they were less than 10 minutes walk away). We gave him Panadol and got him to rinse his mouth with salty water a fair bit. This afternoon we called a family friend who happens to be a paediatric dentist. Apparently we did the right things - don't put baby teeth back in because it doesn't help, it can cause damage and there is a risk of infection. Check the gum for debris and if the tooth has been pushed up at all look for signs of broken bone in the top jaw (a line or ridge in the gum or something 'wrong' with the kids smile). Don't brush the area with toothpaste while it's tender just wipe the surrounding teeth with a cotton bud dipped in salty water. Then all you need to do is wait til the kid grows his or her adult teeth which happens, on average, at six-and-a-half. Meanwhile you have to look at you little one and their gappy face every single day and think about what you could have done to avoid the accident. At this stage poor Sanjay is beating himself up bigtime ('I knew he didn't sleep well last night and when he's tired he gets clumsy') and I am wondering if we should see a dentist before we go to Singapore (not sure why, just feels like we should get an official 'all clear').

It never rains but it pours, so the saying goes, and I've had enough of illness and injury around my kids!

Art Gallery Trip

Asher showing us his art
Originally uploaded by karmakeda

Today we went to one of the Art Gallery of NSW's Tours for Tots programs (http://www.artgallery.nsw.gov.au/for_kids/tours_for_tots). My friend Karen booked it ages ago, when I was in early pregnancy, and I didn't know if I'd be able to cope getting into the city to the Gallery and doing the activities with Asher with a newborn. It turns out that it's OK - I should have left earlier as an hour isn't long enough to get there without dragging Asher throught the streets of the city. Lucky he's a tough little thing who normally likes walking otherwise it would have ended in tears. I also couldn't have done it without the wonderful Karen who not only booked for me but also, with less than 10 weeks to go of her own pregnancy, got down on the floor with the kids when it was hard for me to manage then took Asher to the beach with her and her daughter for a few hours. They are due back any minute (I've had a rest, looked after still-sick Kiran, done a few phonecall chores, done a load of washing and prepared dinner). I really don't know how people manage without such excellent mates - I don't know what I can do to repay my awesome friends.

The Tot program was good - best for relatively calm and attentive kids though, so even though they say 3-5 year olds it seemed a bit tough for some of the younger and less compliant ones. We looked at four artworks and I thought the analysis was good and still totally appropriate for the preschooler set. I also wanted to bring the John Olsen work we looked at home with me, There were two activities that related well to the artworks but perhaps lacked a little. We used stencils to layer sea creatures onto our surfboard shapes (the surfboard will become a picture frame) and used crayons and stickers to decorate sunglasses.

I want to get this posted and the bath run for when the kids descend, so I'll post this now, without re-reading.

My lovely lads

I don't want to be always comparing my two boys but it's hard not to. I'm not just comparing them though, I'm comparing my feelings then and now too. When Asher was less than 12 weeks old I would dread any day that I knew Sanjay would be late home from work. This time around it's so different. Sanj told me this morning that he was going to be late, but that his parents would pick Asher up from Kindy and give him a bath and dinner. I felt a flood of relief - I didn't have much to achieve today so this evening is going to be blessedly calm. With both Sanjay and Asher getting home at around 7pm, and the baby pinning me to the couch to cluster feed from 4:30 to 7:30 most nights all I can do is sit here and enjoy the quiet house and wish I had remembered to get myself a big drink of water before I sat down. When Asher was tiny I would have had to bounce and walk him around for those afternoon hours, and even with rocking and bouncing and feeding and singing he would still have howled for quite a lot of that time.

The baby, despite being snuffly with what I think is cold rather than just more of the pertussis cough, is lying in my lap gazing at me, grinning and vocalising when I look down at him and talk to him. I think that he's developing a pattern of having a good sleep in the morning and a good long sleep in his hammock in the afternoon and a snooze in the Ergo in the middle of the day. He also seems to just wake up up twice a night most nights, and so far he hasn't been to difficult to get back to sleep. If I followed the time honoured wisdom of 'sleeping when the baby sleeps' I'd actually get enough sleep! Instead I walk around with him in the Ergo or try to eat and get some washing done and the kitchen tidied. Maybe next week I'll get a rest during the day.

And before I get even more distracted, the real reason I wanted to post was to note a few of the cute things Asher says and does before he changes and they slip away for ever. After three years of no TV he's now crazy for it. It is a fondness that I think will wane fairly quickly as long as we set reasonable limits and don't get too strung up about it. He doesn't watch actual TV though, just his 'movies' which are a Bindy Irwin DVD and a few Wiggles and Thomas DVDs. He puts them on himself and then uses the 'ke-mote' (remote) to adjust the volume or get the appropriate segment of the DVD to play. Drat, the baby is grizzling but I really need to write about how under the thumb Asher's grandfather is sometime and how great those grandparents are, particularly since we've had Kiran.

One month old!

Baby K turned 4 weeks old yesterday! He's a lovely mellow baby but I've worked out that the routine we have doesn't really allow me to blog very easily. He's growing really well and although I haven't weighed him I can tell because he's starting to grow out of the smallest clothes. The Bonds 0000 Wondersuits are almost too tight now and the Target 00000 growsuit doesn't fit at all anymore. He loves being in the Ergo, he sleeps well in the Amby hammock and goes to sleep in the car. Unlike Asher he reliably sleeps on 'non-living surfaces' and is often content to lie around and look out the window or something for minutes at a time - sometimes 10 or 15 minutes, which leaves me free to attend to Asher. The more I live with this easy baby the more I realise that I was not insane to think that Asher was quite needy when he was a newborn and I was a first time mother. In retrospect he behaved more like a close-to-term premmie with his neediness - feeding lots but slowly and falling asleep during feeds but not being able to stay asleep without contact with an adult.

In terms of the routine of our week, I spend Mondays and Tuesdays with both kids, usually with Megan and Karen and their kids too, and for most of that time we are out and about so no time for blogging. Not that being out and about is the main thing stopping me from writing anything on those days -a newborn and an active 3 year old who doesn't nap are really enough.

Wednesdays I usually try to stay home most of the day. I'm usually sore from carting Kiran about in the Ergo for hours on end (5 hours of carrying 5+ kilos will wear you down!) and the house often looks like a pig-sty so I gaze at the baby, do a few loads of laundry and attempt to get an afternoon nap and make dinner. Not once have I managed all of that (today I made beef stew in the morning and got the washing on but Kiran won't let me nap, so I'm cross-legged on the couch with the baby in my lap, periodically getting up to raid the kitchen for chocolate).

Thursday and Friday are for running errands and hanging out with the baby and maybe catching up with a friend for coffee. I've been managing to keep up with the laundry on those days too and I'm hoping to start being able to prepare dinner and pick Asher up from Kindy sometimes too.

Weekends are family time - a lot of the time this means Sanjay hangs out with Asher and I look after the baby. This works really well but I worry that I'll lose my strong connection with Asher and Sanj won't bond well with Kiran - maybe I'm just neurotic and looking for something to worry about?

The rhythms of the days are pretty similar - we wake up for the day when Kiran wakes between 6:45am and 8am. Sanjay and Asher get up and start breakfast while I catch an extra half an hours sleep or feed the baby. We get ourselves ready to go out, and between 8:30 (today) and 10:30am we manage to get ourselves together and get out. Baths for the kids start around 4:30-5pm with dinner then bed for Asher by around 7:30. He seems to be sleeping better now that I'm a bit more strict with bed time. Sanj and I watch TV or clean up or Sanj works while I read until the baby wakes and then I feed him and head to bed. Sanjay either finishes of his work or gets ready for the next day and comes to bed after me. This means I rarely get to sleep before 11pm and Sanj is sometimes up until midnight, which would be OK except we have between 1 and 3 wake-ups to feed baby K. So, not quite enough sleep, but not too bad, considering the baby sleeps well, and generally goes straight back to sleep after he's been fed and changed.

Asher has been just delightful with the new baby. Sanjay and I have been very careful to keep his life as consistent as possible with his previous routine. I also try to ensure that it's never 'the baby' when I want him to be quiet or when he can't have my attention. For instance I tell him that we need to go inside because I'm cold, rather than telling him that the baby needs feeding and he's responding really well. He needs more help with things like feeding himself and putting his shoes on and he gets really whingy sometimes, but he's never been anything but extremely loving with his little brother. We also tell him how much Kiran likes him and what a good big brother he is and Asher being Asher likes that too. He's getting all his sillys out when he's with his mate Miles - the two of them yell and rumble and behave like lads which is simultaneously irritating and hilarious.

The poor little Kiran seems to have a cold - probably from Asher - his chest sounds rattle-y and he's coughing quite a lot. It doesn't seem to be bothering him too much though - he spent ages gazing into my eyes today, trying to talk to me, copying my facial expressions and smiling. The baby, snuggled into the nest of my crossed legs is starting to complain and need feeding. I can't manage much one handed typing, so that's it from me for now....

Pre-Labour hurts as much as 'real' labour!

When I went into labour with Asher I knew immediately. It was four days before my due date and I woke up at around 1am, my waters broke, and I had good strong contractions straight away. I laboured happily at home through the night and knew when it was time to go to hospital - around 6am. When I got to hospital I was 7-8cm dilated. Around four difficult hours later there was an extra little person in the world. No false starts, no arsing about.

This time is so so different. I keep thinking that 'this is it' that today will be this baby's birthday. On Monday it really seemed likely - At 9am I found myself weeping on the stairs to the garage, too sore to go up or down. I talked to my mum, who knows me, and my pain threshold, and we decided that this was probably labour, and it was probably 'back labour' - when a baby is facing the wrong way (still head down, just with it's head not facing the mother's spine) and one goes into labour it HURTS. It's called 'back labour' and generally you don't get any recovery time between contractions it just REALLY REALLY HURTS.

I paced about at home and waited for my mum to come over while Sanjay dropped Asher over to a friends place, then I decided that walking would be good so I walked over for coffee. Since I had promised my OB at Friday's appointment that I would come in if things started happening as his concern was that it might turn out to be a quick one ("don't hide from us Keda, we aren't going to do anything to you") so, since walking was good, so I decided to walk up in the direction of the hospital (normally 30-40 minutes brisk walk away). I kept walking, slooooowly and painfully til I got there. By this point it was maybe 1 o'clock and there was no delivery rooms available so I pottered around the 'lounge' terrified to sit down because I felt like I'd be stuck for ever if I did. Things had calmed down by this point but when they had a free delivery room (where the monitoring equipment is) and I hopped up on the bed for a CTG. At that moment I really knew it was all over - the 'labour' stopped entirely. The pain was dramatically less, I could think clearly and I knew I wasn't in labour (any more?). When they examined me I was 1-2cm dilated and my cervix was quite thin. Ho hum. My OB came by and we had a chat - he said I was probably looking at 6 hours of synto if they tried to get things going that way so we agreed that sounded like a bad idea for a girl who doesn't want an epidural so instead I would go home and rest. So an hour (or 2?) of monitoring, a toasted cheese sandwich and plenty of discomfort but no agony later I was ready to go home. Since this could go on for ages I took some Panadeine Forte (30mg of codeine - usually enough to put me in happy-land snoozeville) and I went to sleep until friends brought Asher home and we all had dinner together.

By Tuesday morning the baby had turned back around to a comparatively comfortable spine-facing position and there wasn't even a hint of labour going on. My OB said we'd talk induction at our 41 week appointment. Since then I've been getting strong braxton-hicks contractions - usually semi-regularly for half a day, then 24 hours or so of nothing. Today the back pain was extreme again and I went to the acupuncturist who put pins in me that might stimulate labour. He wants to take credit if labour starts within twelve hours of the treatment - I'm happy to give anyone credit because at this point I just want labour to start!

It's good that the baby didn't arrive on Asher's birthday though (yesterday). Instead we had a few family and friends around for nibbles and cake in the evening (check out the photos on Flickr - Asher really got into the birthday thing - I'm not sure I've ever seen him so happy!) and I went to sleep thinking that I'd go into labour before morning. Maybe tomorrow will be the day....

Could there be anything cuter...

...than your three year old, about to go to the supermarket with his daddy, coming up to you, saying 'bye' then telling you he needs to kiss 'the baby' and reaching over to tenderly kiss your 38+ week pregnant belly and saying "Hi, I'm going, see you later" and finishing with another kiss before heading off? My heart melted!

But, then again, my emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE at the moment. I screamed at Asher for leaving his toys on the floor (despite the floor not being as toy-strewn as usual) and later I got all dewy at him drinking his babycino. Poor kid is totally confused about what reaction anything he is going to elicit from his mother at the moment. Sanjay is in the same boat, exhorting me to rest as I weepily scrub the sink (and the highchair, and polish the buffet, and do more loads of laundry).

I'm hoping I can go into labour soon as this behaviour is driving all of us just nuts. There are some positive signs - I've been getting crampy contractions on-and-off since Tuesday (it's Saturday today) and the OB/GYN says the baby is engaged and really low. So, a rest? Or should I go and dust the doors? I've noticed the bathroom doors particularly are really quite dusty...