I've done what I'd tell any of my friends to do, were they in my situation. I went and talked to my favourite nurse at the ECHC and I have a referal to Tresillian's residential program. The nurse also talked to my therapist and they have decided it's urgent and that I need to get in ASAP which means I'll get in on a cancellation.
I actually know what the problem is and what needs to be done, but I'm incapable of doing it. Kiz needs to learn to get to sleep without my nipple in his mouth, ideally by himself in his cot, and he needs to eat more food so that he doesn't get quite as hungry during the night. I need to stop feeding him between the hours of say, 11pm and 5am and he needs to be able to get back to sleep and stay asleep without indefinite screaming. Unfortunately I can't do this on my own. It's a tangled circular problem and I can't go in to help the poor little guy get back to sleep in the night, exhausted, wanting to do anything to get back to bed, smelling of comfort and his favourite food and expect a few pats to settle him. I can't imagine waking up with a hungry rumble in my tummy and ignoring the smell of toasting bread and bacon frying and I don't believe I can expect the equivelent from a baby.
I could do it, I could wait it out and cope through this period of next-to-no sleep but I'm not sure my sanity, my relationship with my husband would remain unscathed - in fact, I'm not even sure that my children would remain safe from harm with their mother this bone tired. Until we work this out and I get some more sleep I'm going to maintain my holding pattern, trying to get as much sleep as I can, feeding Kiz as much food during the day as I can and getting him to sleep the only way I can (breastfeeding him to sleep). I'm also instituting some of the suggestions from Elizabeth Pantley's book - today's job might be to sketch out a going-to-bed book, and we already attempt an hour of going to bed ritual time, I'm working on developing his relationship with his teddy and helping him to love his cot. Tonight I'm hoping for better than last night - seven wake ups in 11 hours and, like Aprill said, you gotta know when it's time to hire the experts.
Showing posts with label #2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #2. Show all posts
21/04/2010
16/04/2010
He's now been on the outside longer than he was on the inside
So, being the problem solver that I am, I've been thinking about why he doesn't eat and how I can help him eat a bit more food. I think at the beginning he didn't like the sensation of swallowing, because of the sense-memory of mucous and suction from when he was sick with whooping cough as a tiny baby. Now he's a bit older I think the reason he doesn't eat much is to do with his stubbornness. It's a bit freaky having power and control dramas with a kid under one - I had always associated that kind of thing with toddlers, with two-year-olds asserting their independance.Anyhow, the other day I plonked a bowl of weetbix down in front of him and let him at it. To my surprise he knew what to do with it. He stuck the spoon in the bowl and then in his mouth and then actually swallowed what went in his mouth, rather than spitting it straight out.
So I've just been running with that, letting him make as much mess as he wants, helping him out when he seems to want it. As soon as food starts coming out of his mouth again I wipe him off, wipe the highchair, wipe the floor, remind myself that there will be less wiping up one day and we do something else. At best he's eaten about 60ml (3 tablespoons) volume of food in a day (yesterday) which doesn't seem to be enough. I know a five-month-old who eats that much each meal. Hopefully soon it will start being more satisfying to him and he can get more of his calories during the day so he won't wake so much at night. And the No-Cry Sleep Solution will help me to get him to sleep better by himself and if it doesn't then we'll be off to Tresillian because I'm getting pretty close to the end of my tether here.
03/03/2010
Asher and Kiran
First and foremost I want to say happy birthday to my lovely 21 year old sister Clare. I'm so proud of her and so thankfull for the way she rescues me on a regular basis (like yesterday - I have a sprained ankle and two kids to look after!) but I want to discuss that in more detail after our weekend away with her and the family.
Sanjay thinks this photo really sums up the way our kids are interacting at the moment. I agree - it makes my heart just melt! The protective big brother hand, the adoring, fascinated look from Kiz. This morning, when Asher and Sanjay left for Kindy and work Kiz cried and cried as they closed the door behind them because he loves following his big brother around so much.
Asher is as good with Kiran as I could have imagined. He's rarely rough with him, and when he is it's almost always done with love and it's just boisteroius play. Kizzy usually laughs like a maniac as his big brother crash tackles him. When Asher does get frustrated with the baby he generally yells rather than hits and as soon as I take Kiran away from his Duplo building/block tower/train tracks it is all OK again.
Kiz is crawling around like a crazy thing and into everything. He pulls himself to standing easily and this week, at 8 months, has started to take a few cruising steps along whatever he's holding on to. The little bear is still not eating much solid food, but these last few days I feel like we've turned a corner there too, with him being a bit more willing and interested. Asher and Kiran happily share a squeesy Vaalia yoghurt and last night Kiz was snatching noodles out of Sanjay's hands and eating them. I'm hoping the solid food thing picks up a bit because at the moment I'm pretty much breast feeding him 3 hourly 'round the clock which is exhausting for all of us (or maybe just for me?). I have certainly lost a fair bit of weight and I fit into all my pre-pregnancy pants (the breast feeding bosoms are another story, and I don't fit into many tops unfortunately) .
Kiz makes his needs known quite clearly. I was putting him to sleep the other night (I usually feed him to sleep. It works for us) and he de-latched, looked at me, and started to vocalise softly and sweetly. I worked out that he was asking for me to sing to him - I started softly singing and he went back to the breasfeed and fell asleep soon after. He also mimics us - he'll say 'gah!' when he wants to comment on something or wants to talk and then will copy me fairly succesfully when I say mum-mum-mum to him.
It's so exhausting at the moment, with lots of night time shenanigans, and so much lifting and carrying of baby K, but I'm so happy with how our two little ones are together.
Sanjay thinks this photo really sums up the way our kids are interacting at the moment. I agree - it makes my heart just melt! The protective big brother hand, the adoring, fascinated look from Kiz. This morning, when Asher and Sanjay left for Kindy and work Kiz cried and cried as they closed the door behind them because he loves following his big brother around so much.
Asher is as good with Kiran as I could have imagined. He's rarely rough with him, and when he is it's almost always done with love and it's just boisteroius play. Kizzy usually laughs like a maniac as his big brother crash tackles him. When Asher does get frustrated with the baby he generally yells rather than hits and as soon as I take Kiran away from his Duplo building/block tower/train tracks it is all OK again.
Kiz is crawling around like a crazy thing and into everything. He pulls himself to standing easily and this week, at 8 months, has started to take a few cruising steps along whatever he's holding on to. The little bear is still not eating much solid food, but these last few days I feel like we've turned a corner there too, with him being a bit more willing and interested. Asher and Kiran happily share a squeesy Vaalia yoghurt and last night Kiz was snatching noodles out of Sanjay's hands and eating them. I'm hoping the solid food thing picks up a bit because at the moment I'm pretty much breast feeding him 3 hourly 'round the clock which is exhausting for all of us (or maybe just for me?). I have certainly lost a fair bit of weight and I fit into all my pre-pregnancy pants (the breast feeding bosoms are another story, and I don't fit into many tops unfortunately) .
Kiz makes his needs known quite clearly. I was putting him to sleep the other night (I usually feed him to sleep. It works for us) and he de-latched, looked at me, and started to vocalise softly and sweetly. I worked out that he was asking for me to sing to him - I started softly singing and he went back to the breasfeed and fell asleep soon after. He also mimics us - he'll say 'gah!' when he wants to comment on something or wants to talk and then will copy me fairly succesfully when I say mum-mum-mum to him.
It's so exhausting at the moment, with lots of night time shenanigans, and so much lifting and carrying of baby K, but I'm so happy with how our two little ones are together.
28/08/2009
Kiran Update
We went to the Early Childhood Health Centre (ECHC) yesterday (when I started this post the visit was yesterday, now I'd have to say 'Thursday' instead) for Kiran's 8 week check. It was all good and apart from the Whooping Cough he is fine and growing like a weed. In fact it appears that he put on around 500g since last Tuesday's paediatrician visit. That is a lot of breastmilk! When I told Sanjay he suddenly realised why I've been so hungry recently and why I've been a bit tired (I feel like a Cheshire-mother, I might vanish at any moment, leaving just my milky breasts).
As well as getting longer and chubbier he's developing in other ways. He seems to recognise my face from several metres away now, he will lie on the floor and look at his toys or lie on the bed and gaze out the window for ten minutes at a time or more. I don't remember Asher being able to amuse himself for that long with any regularity until he was much older. He's very communicative and loves to gaze into my eyes, smile and then we have 'conversations' where I ask him questions and he vocalises with little 'ahs' back to me.
Kiran is also getting into a really good nighttime routine (will writing about it jinx it?). He goes to bed between 8 and 9:30 then wakes for a feed between11:30 and 1:30. He generally wakes again around 6 or 6:30am and Asher usually wakes and comes in before 7am so we are effectively awake for the day, even if Kiran sometimes goes back to sleep.
The little guy also had his first bottle last night. I went out for dinner with the Mummies and left both boys at home with Sanj. I expressed some milk the other day (almost 100ml) when I was feeling a bit full and so I got another 100ml yesterday which I hoped would be enough. It turns out he was a little reluctant to drink from the bottle at first but once he got the idea had the 100ml and a bit more from me when I got home before he went back to sleep. Dinner out with the mummies was great for me - just the tonic I needed after feeling a bit caged and tense for the last week or two. We were talking about how everyday things slip by so fast, particularly with second children, and how we should all be keeping a diary everyday and I thought about how irregularly I blog and made a pact to write something every day for a week. That seems a bit poor in the light of day, like I should be doing more, but I really want to do it and I hate over-committing. So, stay tuned for a post, however brief, every day for a week!
As well as getting longer and chubbier he's developing in other ways. He seems to recognise my face from several metres away now, he will lie on the floor and look at his toys or lie on the bed and gaze out the window for ten minutes at a time or more. I don't remember Asher being able to amuse himself for that long with any regularity until he was much older. He's very communicative and loves to gaze into my eyes, smile and then we have 'conversations' where I ask him questions and he vocalises with little 'ahs' back to me.
Kiran is also getting into a really good nighttime routine (will writing about it jinx it?). He goes to bed between 8 and 9:30 then wakes for a feed between11:30 and 1:30. He generally wakes again around 6 or 6:30am and Asher usually wakes and comes in before 7am so we are effectively awake for the day, even if Kiran sometimes goes back to sleep.
The little guy also had his first bottle last night. I went out for dinner with the Mummies and left both boys at home with Sanj. I expressed some milk the other day (almost 100ml) when I was feeling a bit full and so I got another 100ml yesterday which I hoped would be enough. It turns out he was a little reluctant to drink from the bottle at first but once he got the idea had the 100ml and a bit more from me when I got home before he went back to sleep. Dinner out with the mummies was great for me - just the tonic I needed after feeling a bit caged and tense for the last week or two. We were talking about how everyday things slip by so fast, particularly with second children, and how we should all be keeping a diary everyday and I thought about how irregularly I blog and made a pact to write something every day for a week. That seems a bit poor in the light of day, like I should be doing more, but I really want to do it and I hate over-committing. So, stay tuned for a post, however brief, every day for a week!
29/07/2009
One month old!
Baby K turned 4 weeks old yesterday! He's a lovely mellow baby but I've worked out that the routine we have doesn't really allow me to blog very easily. He's growing really well and although I haven't weighed him I can tell because he's starting to grow out of the smallest clothes. The Bonds 0000 Wondersuits are almost too tight now and the Target 00000 growsuit doesn't fit at all anymore. He loves being in the Ergo, he sleeps well in the Amby hammock and goes to sleep in the car. Unlike Asher he reliably sleeps on 'non-living surfaces' and is often content to lie around and look out the window or something for minutes at a time - sometimes 10 or 15 minutes, which leaves me free to attend to Asher. The more I live with this easy baby the more I realise that I was not insane to think that Asher was quite needy when he was a newborn and I was a first time mother. In retrospect he behaved more like a close-to-term premmie with his neediness - feeding lots but slowly and falling asleep during feeds but not being able to stay asleep without contact with an adult.
In terms of the routine of our week, I spend Mondays and Tuesdays with both kids, usually with Megan and Karen and their kids too, and for most of that time we are out and about so no time for blogging. Not that being out and about is the main thing stopping me from writing anything on those days -a newborn and an active 3 year old who doesn't nap are really enough.
Wednesdays I usually try to stay home most of the day. I'm usually sore from carting Kiran about in the Ergo for hours on end (5 hours of carrying 5+ kilos will wear you down!) and the house often looks like a pig-sty so I gaze at the baby, do a few loads of laundry and attempt to get an afternoon nap and make dinner. Not once have I managed all of that (today I made beef stew in the morning and got the washing on but Kiran won't let me nap, so I'm cross-legged on the couch with the baby in my lap, periodically getting up to raid the kitchen for chocolate).
Thursday and Friday are for running errands and hanging out with the baby and maybe catching up with a friend for coffee. I've been managing to keep up with the laundry on those days too and I'm hoping to start being able to prepare dinner and pick Asher up from Kindy sometimes too.
Weekends are family time - a lot of the time this means Sanjay hangs out with Asher and I look after the baby. This works really well but I worry that I'll lose my strong connection with Asher and Sanj won't bond well with Kiran - maybe I'm just neurotic and looking for something to worry about?
The rhythms of the days are pretty similar - we wake up for the day when Kiran wakes between 6:45am and 8am. Sanjay and Asher get up and start breakfast while I catch an extra half an hours sleep or feed the baby. We get ourselves ready to go out, and between 8:30 (today) and 10:30am we manage to get ourselves together and get out. Baths for the kids start around 4:30-5pm with dinner then bed for Asher by around 7:30. He seems to be sleeping better now that I'm a bit more strict with bed time. Sanj and I watch TV or clean up or Sanj works while I read until the baby wakes and then I feed him and head to bed. Sanjay either finishes of his work or gets ready for the next day and comes to bed after me. This means I rarely get to sleep before 11pm and Sanj is sometimes up until midnight, which would be OK except we have between 1 and 3 wake-ups to feed baby K. So, not quite enough sleep, but not too bad, considering the baby sleeps well, and generally goes straight back to sleep after he's been fed and changed.
Asher has been just delightful with the new baby. Sanjay and I have been very careful to keep his life as consistent as possible with his previous routine. I also try to ensure that it's never 'the baby' when I want him to be quiet or when he can't have my attention. For instance I tell him that we need to go inside because I'm cold, rather than telling him that the baby needs feeding and he's responding really well. He needs more help with things like feeding himself and putting his shoes on and he gets really whingy sometimes, but he's never been anything but extremely loving with his little brother. We also tell him how much Kiran likes him and what a good big brother he is and Asher being Asher likes that too. He's getting all his sillys out when he's with his mate Miles - the two of them yell and rumble and behave like lads which is simultaneously irritating and hilarious.
The poor little Kiran seems to have a cold - probably from Asher - his chest sounds rattle-y and he's coughing quite a lot. It doesn't seem to be bothering him too much though - he spent ages gazing into my eyes today, trying to talk to me, copying my facial expressions and smiling. The baby, snuggled into the nest of my crossed legs is starting to complain and need feeding. I can't manage much one handed typing, so that's it from me for now....
In terms of the routine of our week, I spend Mondays and Tuesdays with both kids, usually with Megan and Karen and their kids too, and for most of that time we are out and about so no time for blogging. Not that being out and about is the main thing stopping me from writing anything on those days -a newborn and an active 3 year old who doesn't nap are really enough.
Wednesdays I usually try to stay home most of the day. I'm usually sore from carting Kiran about in the Ergo for hours on end (5 hours of carrying 5+ kilos will wear you down!) and the house often looks like a pig-sty so I gaze at the baby, do a few loads of laundry and attempt to get an afternoon nap and make dinner. Not once have I managed all of that (today I made beef stew in the morning and got the washing on but Kiran won't let me nap, so I'm cross-legged on the couch with the baby in my lap, periodically getting up to raid the kitchen for chocolate).
Thursday and Friday are for running errands and hanging out with the baby and maybe catching up with a friend for coffee. I've been managing to keep up with the laundry on those days too and I'm hoping to start being able to prepare dinner and pick Asher up from Kindy sometimes too.
Weekends are family time - a lot of the time this means Sanjay hangs out with Asher and I look after the baby. This works really well but I worry that I'll lose my strong connection with Asher and Sanj won't bond well with Kiran - maybe I'm just neurotic and looking for something to worry about?
The rhythms of the days are pretty similar - we wake up for the day when Kiran wakes between 6:45am and 8am. Sanjay and Asher get up and start breakfast while I catch an extra half an hours sleep or feed the baby. We get ourselves ready to go out, and between 8:30 (today) and 10:30am we manage to get ourselves together and get out. Baths for the kids start around 4:30-5pm with dinner then bed for Asher by around 7:30. He seems to be sleeping better now that I'm a bit more strict with bed time. Sanj and I watch TV or clean up or Sanj works while I read until the baby wakes and then I feed him and head to bed. Sanjay either finishes of his work or gets ready for the next day and comes to bed after me. This means I rarely get to sleep before 11pm and Sanj is sometimes up until midnight, which would be OK except we have between 1 and 3 wake-ups to feed baby K. So, not quite enough sleep, but not too bad, considering the baby sleeps well, and generally goes straight back to sleep after he's been fed and changed.
Asher has been just delightful with the new baby. Sanjay and I have been very careful to keep his life as consistent as possible with his previous routine. I also try to ensure that it's never 'the baby' when I want him to be quiet or when he can't have my attention. For instance I tell him that we need to go inside because I'm cold, rather than telling him that the baby needs feeding and he's responding really well. He needs more help with things like feeding himself and putting his shoes on and he gets really whingy sometimes, but he's never been anything but extremely loving with his little brother. We also tell him how much Kiran likes him and what a good big brother he is and Asher being Asher likes that too. He's getting all his sillys out when he's with his mate Miles - the two of them yell and rumble and behave like lads which is simultaneously irritating and hilarious.
The poor little Kiran seems to have a cold - probably from Asher - his chest sounds rattle-y and he's coughing quite a lot. It doesn't seem to be bothering him too much though - he spent ages gazing into my eyes today, trying to talk to me, copying my facial expressions and smiling. The baby, snuggled into the nest of my crossed legs is starting to complain and need feeding. I can't manage much one handed typing, so that's it from me for now....
27/06/2009
Pre-Labour hurts as much as 'real' labour!
When I went into labour with Asher I knew immediately. It was four days before my due date and I woke up at around 1am, my waters broke, and I had good strong contractions straight away. I laboured happily at home through the night and knew when it was time to go to hospital - around 6am. When I got to hospital I was 7-8cm dilated. Around four difficult hours later there was an extra little person in the world. No false starts, no arsing about.
This time is so so different. I keep thinking that 'this is it' that today will be this baby's birthday. On Monday it really seemed likely - At 9am I found myself weeping on the stairs to the garage, too sore to go up or down. I talked to my mum, who knows me, and my pain threshold, and we decided that this was probably labour, and it was probably 'back labour' - when a baby is facing the wrong way (still head down, just with it's head not facing the mother's spine) and one goes into labour it HURTS. It's called 'back labour' and generally you don't get any recovery time between contractions it just REALLY REALLY HURTS.
I paced about at home and waited for my mum to come over while Sanjay dropped Asher over to a friends place, then I decided that walking would be good so I walked over for coffee. Since I had promised my OB at Friday's appointment that I would come in if things started happening as his concern was that it might turn out to be a quick one ("don't hide from us Keda, we aren't going to do anything to you") so, since walking was good, so I decided to walk up in the direction of the hospital (normally 30-40 minutes brisk walk away). I kept walking, slooooowly and painfully til I got there. By this point it was maybe 1 o'clock and there was no delivery rooms available so I pottered around the 'lounge' terrified to sit down because I felt like I'd be stuck for ever if I did. Things had calmed down by this point but when they had a free delivery room (where the monitoring equipment is) and I hopped up on the bed for a CTG. At that moment I really knew it was all over - the 'labour' stopped entirely. The pain was dramatically less, I could think clearly and I knew I wasn't in labour (any more?). When they examined me I was 1-2cm dilated and my cervix was quite thin. Ho hum. My OB came by and we had a chat - he said I was probably looking at 6 hours of synto if they tried to get things going that way so we agreed that sounded like a bad idea for a girl who doesn't want an epidural so instead I would go home and rest. So an hour (or 2?) of monitoring, a toasted cheese sandwich and plenty of discomfort but no agony later I was ready to go home. Since this could go on for ages I took some Panadeine Forte (30mg of codeine - usually enough to put me in happy-land snoozeville) and I went to sleep until friends brought Asher home and we all had dinner together.
This time is so so different. I keep thinking that 'this is it' that today will be this baby's birthday. On Monday it really seemed likely - At 9am I found myself weeping on the stairs to the garage, too sore to go up or down. I talked to my mum, who knows me, and my pain threshold, and we decided that this was probably labour, and it was probably 'back labour' - when a baby is facing the wrong way (still head down, just with it's head not facing the mother's spine) and one goes into labour it HURTS. It's called 'back labour' and generally you don't get any recovery time between contractions it just REALLY REALLY HURTS.
I paced about at home and waited for my mum to come over while Sanjay dropped Asher over to a friends place, then I decided that walking would be good so I walked over for coffee. Since I had promised my OB at Friday's appointment that I would come in if things started happening as his concern was that it might turn out to be a quick one ("don't hide from us Keda, we aren't going to do anything to you") so, since walking was good, so I decided to walk up in the direction of the hospital (normally 30-40 minutes brisk walk away). I kept walking, slooooowly and painfully til I got there. By this point it was maybe 1 o'clock and there was no delivery rooms available so I pottered around the 'lounge' terrified to sit down because I felt like I'd be stuck for ever if I did. Things had calmed down by this point but when they had a free delivery room (where the monitoring equipment is) and I hopped up on the bed for a CTG. At that moment I really knew it was all over - the 'labour' stopped entirely. The pain was dramatically less, I could think clearly and I knew I wasn't in labour (any more?). When they examined me I was 1-2cm dilated and my cervix was quite thin. Ho hum. My OB came by and we had a chat - he said I was probably looking at 6 hours of synto if they tried to get things going that way so we agreed that sounded like a bad idea for a girl who doesn't want an epidural so instead I would go home and rest. So an hour (or 2?) of monitoring, a toasted cheese sandwich and plenty of discomfort but no agony later I was ready to go home. Since this could go on for ages I took some Panadeine Forte (30mg of codeine - usually enough to put me in happy-land snoozeville) and I went to sleep until friends brought Asher home and we all had dinner together.
By Tuesday morning the baby had turned back around to a comparatively comfortable spine-facing position and there wasn't even a hint of labour going on. My OB said we'd talk induction at our 41 week appointment. Since then I've been getting strong braxton-hicks contractions - usually semi-regularly for half a day, then 24 hours or so of nothing. Today the back pain was extreme again and I went to the acupuncturist who put pins in me that might stimulate labour. He wants to take credit if labour starts within twelve hours of the treatment - I'm happy to give anyone credit because at this point I just want labour to start!
It's good that the baby didn't arrive on Asher's birthday though (yesterday). Instead we had a few family and friends around for nibbles and cake in the evening (check out the photos on Flickr - Asher really got into the birthday thing - I'm not sure I've ever seen him so happy!) and I went to sleep thinking that I'd go into labour before morning. Maybe tomorrow will be the day....
17/05/2009
So, no excuses for not blogging this time, just general distractedness, and it's past time for a pregnancy update.
Basically, everything is going swimmingly. The last two ultrasound scans have had the baby measuring around the 30-35 percentile which is great. So great, in fact, that I've decided to skip then next scan, unless there is something specific they want to check for when I go for my fortnightly appointment. I'm still taking 100mg Aspirin every day, I'm trying to remember my multi-vitimins and I've just today purchased some red raspberry leaf tea. Over the last two weeks I've started to get really uncomfortable with the common, grumpy late pregnancy discomforts - varicose veins in my upper thighs and groin that hurt when I've been standing or sitting for too long, a bit of breathlesness all the time, I need to pee every 10 minutes (and it's unsatisfying because there's only a teaspoonfull there!) and my clothes, even maternity clothes, are getting tight and uncomfortable. People say I still look small, but I feel GIANT and like I'm always full (and always slightly peckish, too). However I'm pretty sure the baby's arrival isn't immanant because I'm still only waking up once a night to use the bathroom.
I've only got about six weeks to go before this baby is born, and I'm not really feeling prepared. We don't have a name shortlist that we're really happy with (there are a few girls names we like, but boys are more difficult). I haven't really done any prep for birthing - I'm not as fit or strong as I was when I was pregnant with Asher, because between paid work and mothering and active almost-three-year-old I don't have time for 'luxuries' like Pilates, and there have been no classes and minimal reading. There isn't anything I *really* need for when the baby comes but I still feel really unprepared. I'm making lists like a crazy woman - I want to hire a car capsule and buy a baby bath with a stand but they are easy to come by and I can live without both (we have a reversible car seat that works for a newborn and we have a booster car seat for Asher, but I'm keen on being able to cart the capsule around with the sleeping baby). Basically I'm feeling nesty, but too sore and tired to really do much, except look after Asher (and that's a struggle by itself!).
I'm also feeling a little maudlin because these last few weeks are, in all likelihood, the last times I'll feel a baby wriggling and kicking inside me. Despite all the pain and discomfort of being pregnant there is an undeniably special relationship a mother has with a foetus. It's such a private thing, yet it's on display for everyone and it's such a short time out of a lifetime, but so intense. It's also the closest thing you have to having control over your kids - after they are born they are even more subject to the whims of chance and the universe. I'm feeling ambivalent about our decision to not find out the sex of the baby too - I don't mind if this baby is a boy or a girl, but if I am carrying a boy it is highly unlikely I'll ever have a daughter, which is sad for me. If I have a boy I wonder if I'll want to mourn that loss - it will probably feel disloyal to the little boy, and so I'll stir guilt into the mix as well. I have no doubt that I'll love the little person either way - I guess I already do!
Anyhow, I need to go and lie down for a bit before I attempt to hang the washing out.
Basically, everything is going swimmingly. The last two ultrasound scans have had the baby measuring around the 30-35 percentile which is great. So great, in fact, that I've decided to skip then next scan, unless there is something specific they want to check for when I go for my fortnightly appointment. I'm still taking 100mg Aspirin every day, I'm trying to remember my multi-vitimins and I've just today purchased some red raspberry leaf tea. Over the last two weeks I've started to get really uncomfortable with the common, grumpy late pregnancy discomforts - varicose veins in my upper thighs and groin that hurt when I've been standing or sitting for too long, a bit of breathlesness all the time, I need to pee every 10 minutes (and it's unsatisfying because there's only a teaspoonfull there!) and my clothes, even maternity clothes, are getting tight and uncomfortable. People say I still look small, but I feel GIANT and like I'm always full (and always slightly peckish, too). However I'm pretty sure the baby's arrival isn't immanant because I'm still only waking up once a night to use the bathroom.
I've only got about six weeks to go before this baby is born, and I'm not really feeling prepared. We don't have a name shortlist that we're really happy with (there are a few girls names we like, but boys are more difficult). I haven't really done any prep for birthing - I'm not as fit or strong as I was when I was pregnant with Asher, because between paid work and mothering and active almost-three-year-old I don't have time for 'luxuries' like Pilates, and there have been no classes and minimal reading. There isn't anything I *really* need for when the baby comes but I still feel really unprepared. I'm making lists like a crazy woman - I want to hire a car capsule and buy a baby bath with a stand but they are easy to come by and I can live without both (we have a reversible car seat that works for a newborn and we have a booster car seat for Asher, but I'm keen on being able to cart the capsule around with the sleeping baby). Basically I'm feeling nesty, but too sore and tired to really do much, except look after Asher (and that's a struggle by itself!).
I'm also feeling a little maudlin because these last few weeks are, in all likelihood, the last times I'll feel a baby wriggling and kicking inside me. Despite all the pain and discomfort of being pregnant there is an undeniably special relationship a mother has with a foetus. It's such a private thing, yet it's on display for everyone and it's such a short time out of a lifetime, but so intense. It's also the closest thing you have to having control over your kids - after they are born they are even more subject to the whims of chance and the universe. I'm feeling ambivalent about our decision to not find out the sex of the baby too - I don't mind if this baby is a boy or a girl, but if I am carrying a boy it is highly unlikely I'll ever have a daughter, which is sad for me. If I have a boy I wonder if I'll want to mourn that loss - it will probably feel disloyal to the little boy, and so I'll stir guilt into the mix as well. I have no doubt that I'll love the little person either way - I guess I already do!
Anyhow, I need to go and lie down for a bit before I attempt to hang the washing out.
22/03/2009
Pregnancy update - 26+ weeks
I spent this afternoon all nesty, sorting through Asher's old clothes. I was meant to be studying but instead I went through the built-in cupboards in both Asher's room and the baby-to-be's room. My back is so sore that I want to cry (have just had some paracetamol) but at least I know why I found it so hard to dress Asher in those first few months. He had SO FEW clothes, just 4-5 newborn sized outfits, with a few more sets of tops and pants, most of which he couldn't wear because the pants would just drop off him (er, yes, he was rather skinny!). I have no idea why I didn't buy a bunch of size 0000 Bonds Wondersuits but... well, I didn't, and it means that I'll be buying a bunch of teeny outfits for this bub, as soon as the winter clothes really start to hit the shops. I will, however, restrain myself until I know what sex the baby is and also whether s/he is measuring small - it's surprisingly hard to find decent plain white/gender neutral baby clothes. If it's looking like I'm going to have another small baby I will buy one or two outfits in the larger premmie size.
Which brings me to the actual pregnancy update. I've been getting really sore in my lower back and my hips and nothing much helps, except acupuncture. I'm also meant to be taking things easy (which means not carrying boxes of clothing around, or sitting on the floor sorting and folding) and hanging out in the almost-weightlessness of water to stop it escalating, but it's really hard. I have tests coming up - blood tests this week to check for I-don't-know-what (but I did ask to get haemoglobin checked as I wondering whether I'm a tiny bit anaemic), an ultrasound on the first of April to check the baby's growth (s/hes really active, so I'm not worried about it's health but the auto-immune issues mean an increased likelihood of intra-uterine growth retardation - IUGR) and then the horrible glucose tolerance test the week after. It's weird that I have no hesitation or concern about the blood draw, but I'm dreading drinking sugary stuff and sitting for an hour.
That's enough for tonight - time to eat chocolate mousse and lie on the couch...
Which brings me to the actual pregnancy update. I've been getting really sore in my lower back and my hips and nothing much helps, except acupuncture. I'm also meant to be taking things easy (which means not carrying boxes of clothing around, or sitting on the floor sorting and folding) and hanging out in the almost-weightlessness of water to stop it escalating, but it's really hard. I have tests coming up - blood tests this week to check for I-don't-know-what (but I did ask to get haemoglobin checked as I wondering whether I'm a tiny bit anaemic), an ultrasound on the first of April to check the baby's growth (s/hes really active, so I'm not worried about it's health but the auto-immune issues mean an increased likelihood of intra-uterine growth retardation - IUGR) and then the horrible glucose tolerance test the week after. It's weird that I have no hesitation or concern about the blood draw, but I'm dreading drinking sugary stuff and sitting for an hour.
That's enough for tonight - time to eat chocolate mousse and lie on the couch...
16/03/2009
Nesty
Yep, the nesting has begun! A few weeks ago we went to Ikea and brought home the Poang chair for breastfeeding in. Originally I wanted to get a lovely squooshy rocker/glider but they are all so monumentally ugly that I decided against that. Then I was thinking I'd find a mid-century modern armchair on eBay and get new cushions and get it re-upholstered, but I really wanted to sit in the chair before I bought it, and I wanted something that would move a bit. So I settled for Poang. I did get a nice cushion as well to shove under the 'feeding arm' so the babies head is less likely to get bumped on the wooden chair arms.
I've been stalking eBay and recently got a sweet little cabinet for our kitchen (I'm still looking for the perfect low bookshelf for the baby's room) so we have re-organised our kitchen cupboards. I wanted to put a whole lot of crafty type junk that is currently in the baby's room into the cupboard but it fit best in the kitchen and Sanjay has spent rather a lot of the last two weekends sorting out kitchen stuff and moving it around. I was slightly irritated that he was so busy re-arranging things until I realised that it was just his way of nesting. Now all our kitchen stuff fits in our kitchen, but I still don't know where I'm going to put the junk from the babies room. When that goes somewhere then I can sort through Asher's old clothes and toys - and then I'll know what I actually need for this baby. I remember having barely any clothes for Asher when he was tiny, having to struggle to make sure I did laundry every day so that stuff would be clean and dry for him to wear. This time will be different. In all likelihood this will be my last baby, so I'm determined to buy him/her a few nice things and I'm hoping for more hand-me-downs now that more of my friends have kids (last time I got some great boys stuff from the incomparable Aprill, but most of my other friends were either using their baby clothes or didn't have kids).
Apart from sorting, tidying and re-organising I would really love to paint the house, but I can't see that happening in the next three months or so. I'll have to satisfy myself doing a few things to pretty-up the baby's room - again, something I didn't do last time. I am seriously considering making a mobile, dying some sheets (and maybe the Poang chair cover!). Any other ideas?
I've been stalking eBay and recently got a sweet little cabinet for our kitchen (I'm still looking for the perfect low bookshelf for the baby's room) so we have re-organised our kitchen cupboards. I wanted to put a whole lot of crafty type junk that is currently in the baby's room into the cupboard but it fit best in the kitchen and Sanjay has spent rather a lot of the last two weekends sorting out kitchen stuff and moving it around. I was slightly irritated that he was so busy re-arranging things until I realised that it was just his way of nesting. Now all our kitchen stuff fits in our kitchen, but I still don't know where I'm going to put the junk from the babies room. When that goes somewhere then I can sort through Asher's old clothes and toys - and then I'll know what I actually need for this baby. I remember having barely any clothes for Asher when he was tiny, having to struggle to make sure I did laundry every day so that stuff would be clean and dry for him to wear. This time will be different. In all likelihood this will be my last baby, so I'm determined to buy him/her a few nice things and I'm hoping for more hand-me-downs now that more of my friends have kids (last time I got some great boys stuff from the incomparable Aprill, but most of my other friends were either using their baby clothes or didn't have kids).
Apart from sorting, tidying and re-organising I would really love to paint the house, but I can't see that happening in the next three months or so. I'll have to satisfy myself doing a few things to pretty-up the baby's room - again, something I didn't do last time. I am seriously considering making a mobile, dying some sheets (and maybe the Poang chair cover!). Any other ideas?
26/02/2009
Boy or Girl?
So, we don't know whether this baby in my belly is a boy or a girl (if you ask Asher he says it's a boy) but we do know that it is very, very active. It's not quite 8pm here and it's kicking/headbutting/wriggling so much that I'm feeling a bit nauseous. Truly. I'm about to consult Dr. Google to see if there's anything bad indicated by this much movement. I'm not quite 23 weeks pregnant yet, I hope it gets a bit more squashed and can move less soonish, because if it's jackknifing at 32 weeks like it is now I really am going to puke. It's already disturbing my sleep (the dancing at 2:30am last night kept me awake!) and Sanjay can feel it's kicking from the outside - it's really full on!
17/02/2009
My Life in Point Form
So much going on and so little coherence here. I'm blaming the nasty cold Asher brought home from childcare for me, but really it's been going on a bit longer than that. In point form, but no particular order:
- My brother and his girlfriend moved to Singapore. Email contact has been sporadic (phone contact even more minimal) but from what I gather things are good so far. I'm looking forward to hearing more detail soon (hint hint! Tim, get yourself together and email me!)
- My dear friend E had her baby. A short labour, little girl, a month early and only 80g lighter than Asher was at birth. Mum and bub are doing fine, although the little one is taking a while to learn to suck.
- I'm feeling lot's of movement from my little passenger - s/he is even kicking strongly enough for Sanj to feel occasionally, which is nice. I'm starting to get all broody and nesty, which is kinda funny, because it still feels pretty early for that to kick in (21 weeks). The other day I was asking Sanj to help tidy and organise something-or-other and he was sighing and reluctant. I suddenl;y turned into a shrew with a "D'you think the last 20 weeks have gone quickly?" - err, yes - "well the next 20 are going to go AT THE SAME SPEED! SO WE HAVE TO START ORGANISING THINGS!" at which point we both dissolved into laughter. I know all we really need is a box of newborn nappies and to wash a few newborn outfits - nothing that can't be dealt with in the few days I'm in hospital - but the nesty feeling, it's overwhelming.
- I'm having a freak-out about having a newborn and a toddler/preschooler with no drivers license in winter. At the moment the wonderful Karen drives Asher and I around (or we catch public transport) but that'll be impossible with two. I'm having driving lessons, but I won't have my license by the time this baby arrives.
- Asher is being a delight. Today he went to sleep with his arm over my neck, holding my hand, all snuggled up. I've decided that 2.5 is an age of contrasts, because two weeks ago he was making me more angry than I've ever felt toward him, just with normal, defiant, toddler behaviour. His language is just lovely (when he's not whining) and he's funny and kind - I love the way he strokes my belly so softly and talks to the baby. He absolutely freaked me out when he fell off the bed, from standing, onto his back today though. I have a sneaking suspicioun he had a very very slight concussion or black out - after I'd scooped him up onto the bed he went a bit grey and his eyes rolled back in his head, but he started crying when I screamed out all panicked for Sanjay to come NOW! (Sanj slowly sauntered in, assuming there had been a potty accident). We watched him VERY closely for two hours and he's fine, but this was the closest I've come to taking him up to the local ER.
...and that's the short list. I promise to write a post that isn't in point form within the next week.
01/02/2009
morphology ultrasound
The morphology ultrasound (18-20 week) was yesterday. It went really well, the foetus seems to have all the right organs and all in the right places. This baby is also measuring average so far according to the ultrasonographer, which is a really big relief. We'll see if that changes after 32 weeks when the little things are meant to really start fattening up, but it's a good start at least. The placenta is a little low but not actually covering my cervix, and they will follow that up in future ultrasounds. Placenta praevia is one of the things that would make me 100% on board with the idea of a planned c-section, but thankfully it doesn't look like that's where we are heading.
The tech was lovely, and talked us through the whole thing, unlike other techs in the past. She asked us beforehand if we wanted to know the sex and we said that we didn't, but we would be looking for evidence on screen and she was really fast and careful about not showing us anything near the foetus' nether regions. Despite her care we both thought we caught a glimpse of penis, but not nearly enough to be sure.
I was really unsure about waiting to find out the sex. With Asher we found out but tried to avoid telling people and that was OK. This time I thought that I would ask at a future ultrasound - one of the few joys of a slightly higher risk pregnancy and a conservative obstetrician is more looks at the growing baby - but this morning as I was waking up I started thinking about that moment straight after delivery and the cliched announcement and I got really excited by the idea. So it looks like we won't find out. Either way I'm happy - it looks like we have a healthy baby on board!
The tech was lovely, and talked us through the whole thing, unlike other techs in the past. She asked us beforehand if we wanted to know the sex and we said that we didn't, but we would be looking for evidence on screen and she was really fast and careful about not showing us anything near the foetus' nether regions. Despite her care we both thought we caught a glimpse of penis, but not nearly enough to be sure.
I was really unsure about waiting to find out the sex. With Asher we found out but tried to avoid telling people and that was OK. This time I thought that I would ask at a future ultrasound - one of the few joys of a slightly higher risk pregnancy and a conservative obstetrician is more looks at the growing baby - but this morning as I was waking up I started thinking about that moment straight after delivery and the cliched announcement and I got really excited by the idea. So it looks like we won't find out. Either way I'm happy - it looks like we have a healthy baby on board!
02/01/2009
Updates
I've been wanting to blog for about a week now, but first I was up on the North Coast with my family and no computer and since I've been back I haven't had much time and I've been fighting with the computer (Fucking cookies! Fucking Internet Explorer!). And of course now I'm sitting here at the computer I've forgotten what I wanted to say.
I guess firstly there's the pregnancy update - I'm 15 weeks pregnant today and everything seems to be going fine. I'm taking my Aspirin and trying to remember to take my multivitamins. I'm not sticking to the dietary commandments (specifically 'thou shalt not eat soft cheeses' and 'thou shalt not drink any alcohol') this time and I'm eating pasteurized Australian soft cheeses and I'm not having more than half a glass of wine. I'm moderately successful at sticking to the self imposed one coffee per day rule though. Sanjay thinks this is a typical first child/second child thing but I'm not so sure.
I'm definitely getting plumper and I have to use the Belly Belt on all my jeans now, although I can still hide it with loose flowing tops. I got some great maternity hand-me-downs from a friend and bought a few things at a super cheap sale the other day. I'll probably need one or two more things, but I'm not feeling quite so unprepared. I don't really have anything except a pair of Yim jeans and a few rather ragged tops. I didn't buy much when I was pregnant with Asher because I didn't really have to go anywhere or see anyone and the things I did buy I wore so much (both before and after Asher's birth!) that they aren't particularly presentable. This time around I go out of the house every day, meet up with friends and also have paid work to dress for two days a week.
The Asher update and the Christmas update will have to wait because I'm really tired. I'll fill you in on how incredibly cute his language is and how frustratingly age-appropriate his behaviour is when I can but for now I wanted to say that potty training* has started and preliminary signs indicate that it's going fine.
*I hate that phrase because there is no 'training' going on - he is learning from his body, and we're coaching him on toileting competence.
I guess firstly there's the pregnancy update - I'm 15 weeks pregnant today and everything seems to be going fine. I'm taking my Aspirin and trying to remember to take my multivitamins. I'm not sticking to the dietary commandments (specifically 'thou shalt not eat soft cheeses' and 'thou shalt not drink any alcohol') this time and I'm eating pasteurized Australian soft cheeses and I'm not having more than half a glass of wine. I'm moderately successful at sticking to the self imposed one coffee per day rule though. Sanjay thinks this is a typical first child/second child thing but I'm not so sure.
I'm definitely getting plumper and I have to use the Belly Belt on all my jeans now, although I can still hide it with loose flowing tops. I got some great maternity hand-me-downs from a friend and bought a few things at a super cheap sale the other day. I'll probably need one or two more things, but I'm not feeling quite so unprepared. I don't really have anything except a pair of Yim jeans and a few rather ragged tops. I didn't buy much when I was pregnant with Asher because I didn't really have to go anywhere or see anyone and the things I did buy I wore so much (both before and after Asher's birth!) that they aren't particularly presentable. This time around I go out of the house every day, meet up with friends and also have paid work to dress for two days a week.
The Asher update and the Christmas update will have to wait because I'm really tired. I'll fill you in on how incredibly cute his language is and how frustratingly age-appropriate his behaviour is when I can but for now I wanted to say that potty training* has started and preliminary signs indicate that it's going fine.
*I hate that phrase because there is no 'training' going on - he is learning from his body, and we're coaching him on toileting competence.
13/12/2008
The Elephant in the Corner
So I'm finally ready to reveal the reason for my recent lack of posting - there has been an elephant standing in the corner of the room that I haven't wanted to mention. The only way to avoid mentioning that elephant was to not say anything at all. Behold the Bean:
Yep that's right, I have a passenger on board. My passenger is a 10 week old foetus (i.e. I'm 12 weeks pregnant) that we saw on ultrasound (for the second time) on Friday. It has a little beating heart, a stomach, an umbilical cord that attaches at all the right places, and a low risk for Downs Syndrome and the other chromosomal abnormalities they test for with the NT plus scan.
For those who don't know me IRL we had a few hassles getting to Asher - we had two miscarriages, one chemical pregnancy, a hemorrhage and then, when we conceived Asher I was finally diagnosed with anti-cardiolipin antibodies, an auto-immune disorder that creates clots in the placenta, and can be a cause of recurrent miscarriage (as well as intra-uterine growth retardation and stillbirth). I was on low-dose Aspirin (100mg) from the very beginning of my pregnancy until about 32 weeks, and this time they have re-tested me and I have the same levels so I'm on Aspirin again. I've just been Googling for some appropriate links for anyone who wants to know more, but I'm finding it difficult to find pages that provide enough detail but that are written for non-health-professionals. This is about the best I can do. I am a 'low positive' and also have a relatively low platelet count, so I suspect I'm less at risk of some of the other really nasty complications (like strokes). I'll have to talk to my doctor more about all that...
So anyhow, here we are, getting to the end of the first trimester and starting to believe that we really might end up with a baby. We didn't plan this timing, in fact, we had decided to start trying for number two around Christmas. I was hoping for a *very* festive Christmas season, with lots of alcohol and loving, but instead I will be seeing in the new year sober and probably slightly cranky (and it will be 100% worth it for our little family if we end up with a little person who we love as much as we love Asher!).
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