Showing posts with label behaviour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label behaviour. Show all posts
12/10/2015
Don't Blame Autistic People, or Mental Illness, For Mass Shootings
Don't Blame Autistic People, or Mental Illness, For Mass Shootings - when I was googling trying to find information on some of MY mental health diagnoses I found a surprising amount of bullshit about how people with mental illness are awful, un-compassionate and destructive. Not good stuff to come across when you are having a mental health crisis. Trust me on this, it's pretty horrible having your worst suspicions about yourself confirmed by random strangers on the internet, people with no evidence of having any actual education on mental health issues. This post is from a blog that I have followed on-and-off for over a decade and this post obviously resonated with me.
27/01/2011
Belated first day of preschool roundup
Anyway, to cut to the chase, we love the place and feel like we should have sent him there earlier. We like the teachers and we like the focused vibe of the place and more importantly, Asher already seems happier there than at his previous childcare.
We all went together to drop Asher at preschool for the first time. We hung around for about half an hour, bumping into two people we know and chatting with Asher's teacher and when we left he seemed pretty happy. He was digging a hole to see how deep the sandpit was, and what was on the bottom. When I arrived to pick him up he was happily playing a board game with a teacher and a few other kids. They all seemed to be quietly concentrating. He was pleased to see me, but not overly so. Unfortunately the next few days were tough. I think the stress of the change had got to him somewhat and I dealt with sub-tantrum wailing of the pathetically unreasonable variety on-and-off for two days.
I'm looking forward to seeing what next week, when he'll be there for three days, brings...
03/12/2010
The kindness, and otherwise, of strangers
Because I *still* don't have my drivers license I catch public transport with the kids a lot and I've noticed that little kids seems to bring out the best and the worst in public transport users. This morning I went into the city with Kiz to pick up a few Christmas gifts for the kids and as I was sitting on the train I noticed that the woman beside me was silently weeping, with tears dripping down her face. I didn't want to embarrass her, but I didn't want to ignore her distress either. I fished around in my bag and found a half used travel pack of tissues and put them on the seat between us. As I got off the train I gently touched her arm and pointed to the tissues. We smiled at each other and I got off the train. It made me feel so good to provide the kind of help that I would have liked had I been in her situation (and I have sat weeping on trains, wishing for a tissue).
On our way home we caught the bus. Kiz and I were both tired and hot and so he wanted to yell while I wanted to play mindless games of solitaire on my phone. The yelling toddler wasn't pleasant, but I had tried talking quietly to him, feeding him snacks and even, at one point, putting my hand over his mouth. Kiz kept yelling and I started to get angry glares from a guy at the front of the bus (his shorts were offending my eyes but did I give him dirty looks? No! I'm too polite). An elderly couple were sitting opposite me by this time and when the bus stopped they got up and moved. As the old man went passed me we had this little exchange:
Him (crankily): My wife's not well, can't you keep him quiet!
Me (apologetically): I wish I could but...
Him (even more angry): You could if you really wanted to!
Me (calm but bemused): How?
The old man then stomps further up the bus to sit with his wife, I tear up, mortified, and try singing very quietly to Kiz while imaging all the cruel or kind things I could have said.
...which, I guess, balances out all the people who wave, smile or play peekaboo with the baby or engage Asher in polite conversation, the woman on Tuesday who told me I had very well behaved children and the hundreds of people of all nationalities, ages, backgrounds, genders, etc who have offered to help me on or off buses, or given me a hand with the stroller on the stairs at train stations.
To all the helpers, I send out my heartfelt thanks, to the grumps: may you never need to rely on the kindness of strangers
On our way home we caught the bus. Kiz and I were both tired and hot and so he wanted to yell while I wanted to play mindless games of solitaire on my phone. The yelling toddler wasn't pleasant, but I had tried talking quietly to him, feeding him snacks and even, at one point, putting my hand over his mouth. Kiz kept yelling and I started to get angry glares from a guy at the front of the bus (his shorts were offending my eyes but did I give him dirty looks? No! I'm too polite). An elderly couple were sitting opposite me by this time and when the bus stopped they got up and moved. As the old man went passed me we had this little exchange:
Him (crankily): My wife's not well, can't you keep him quiet!
Me (apologetically): I wish I could but...
Him (even more angry): You could if you really wanted to!
Me (calm but bemused): How?
The old man then stomps further up the bus to sit with his wife, I tear up, mortified, and try singing very quietly to Kiz while imaging all the cruel or kind things I could have said.
...which, I guess, balances out all the people who wave, smile or play peekaboo with the baby or engage Asher in polite conversation, the woman on Tuesday who told me I had very well behaved children and the hundreds of people of all nationalities, ages, backgrounds, genders, etc who have offered to help me on or off buses, or given me a hand with the stroller on the stairs at train stations.
To all the helpers, I send out my heartfelt thanks, to the grumps: may you never need to rely on the kindness of strangers
05/05/2010
Past time for an Asher update
There's an aphorism that goes 'where the attention goes, the energy flows' and it's a principle which I feel has been active in our household recently. Because of the focus on getting the baby to sleep there hasn't been as much attention on Asher, and we're all suffering a little because of it. Asher's behaviour has been a bit ratty and he's been having trouble getting to sleep. So this post is all in honour of Asher and his amazing achievements.
Asher has never been one for drawing faces. I have tried to encourage drawing because it's something I loved as a child (and a big kid too!) but no dice. I thought it was *probably* because he's uncomfortable with the fact that his drawing don't come out the way they look in his head but I also worried that it might be a symptom of something else. Did he perhaps have underdeveloped fine motor skills? So this week when he said he wanted to write his name I wrote his name on the Magnadoodle for him to copy. The photo is of his first attempt. I was surprised and amazed by the result! His letters are really recognisable and his grip on the pen is reasonable. Reading and writing are some his favourite things.
His other obsession-of-the-moment is the zoo. He has a map of Taronga Zoo that he carries with him almost all the time and busily "does map referencing" looking at the symbols then turning the paper over to the map and looking for the coordinates and finding the symbol on the map. His pretend play centres around going to the zoo, looking at the animals and using the map to find his way around the zoo. All very cute.
Our other big development is that we have started night-time potty training. I went to the supermarket with Asher and we talked about pull-ups being for kids who were ready to wake up when they needed to do a wee in the night. He suggested we get some and we talked about putting them in his cupboard for when he thought his body would be ready. A few days later he came to me and told me he was ready to try the 'special pants' and he's been in them ever since. He's only had one wet pull-up in the week or ten days he's been using them. Rather impressive for a kid who had a very wet nappy most mornings. So much for a week or two of dry nappies as a marker of ready to be dry at night.
As well as the exciting developments there is also more of the same. A kid who manages to simultaneously have us in fits of laughter and drive me so mental I distract myself from losing my temper by composing ads for when I try to sell him on eBay. I love him.
In Kiran news: I got into Tresillian on a cancellation - we are going next week. Eeeep!
Asher has never been one for drawing faces. I have tried to encourage drawing because it's something I loved as a child (and a big kid too!) but no dice. I thought it was *probably* because he's uncomfortable with the fact that his drawing don't come out the way they look in his head but I also worried that it might be a symptom of something else. Did he perhaps have underdeveloped fine motor skills? So this week when he said he wanted to write his name I wrote his name on the Magnadoodle for him to copy. The photo is of his first attempt. I was surprised and amazed by the result! His letters are really recognisable and his grip on the pen is reasonable. Reading and writing are some his favourite things.
His other obsession-of-the-moment is the zoo. He has a map of Taronga Zoo that he carries with him almost all the time and busily "does map referencing" looking at the symbols then turning the paper over to the map and looking for the coordinates and finding the symbol on the map. His pretend play centres around going to the zoo, looking at the animals and using the map to find his way around the zoo. All very cute.
Our other big development is that we have started night-time potty training. I went to the supermarket with Asher and we talked about pull-ups being for kids who were ready to wake up when they needed to do a wee in the night. He suggested we get some and we talked about putting them in his cupboard for when he thought his body would be ready. A few days later he came to me and told me he was ready to try the 'special pants' and he's been in them ever since. He's only had one wet pull-up in the week or ten days he's been using them. Rather impressive for a kid who had a very wet nappy most mornings. So much for a week or two of dry nappies as a marker of ready to be dry at night.
As well as the exciting developments there is also more of the same. A kid who manages to simultaneously have us in fits of laughter and drive me so mental I distract myself from losing my temper by composing ads for when I try to sell him on eBay. I love him.
In Kiran news: I got into Tresillian on a cancellation - we are going next week. Eeeep!
16/04/2010
He's now been on the outside longer than he was on the inside
So, being the problem solver that I am, I've been thinking about why he doesn't eat and how I can help him eat a bit more food. I think at the beginning he didn't like the sensation of swallowing, because of the sense-memory of mucous and suction from when he was sick with whooping cough as a tiny baby. Now he's a bit older I think the reason he doesn't eat much is to do with his stubbornness. It's a bit freaky having power and control dramas with a kid under one - I had always associated that kind of thing with toddlers, with two-year-olds asserting their independance.Anyhow, the other day I plonked a bowl of weetbix down in front of him and let him at it. To my surprise he knew what to do with it. He stuck the spoon in the bowl and then in his mouth and then actually swallowed what went in his mouth, rather than spitting it straight out.
So I've just been running with that, letting him make as much mess as he wants, helping him out when he seems to want it. As soon as food starts coming out of his mouth again I wipe him off, wipe the highchair, wipe the floor, remind myself that there will be less wiping up one day and we do something else. At best he's eaten about 60ml (3 tablespoons) volume of food in a day (yesterday) which doesn't seem to be enough. I know a five-month-old who eats that much each meal. Hopefully soon it will start being more satisfying to him and he can get more of his calories during the day so he won't wake so much at night. And the No-Cry Sleep Solution will help me to get him to sleep better by himself and if it doesn't then we'll be off to Tresillian because I'm getting pretty close to the end of my tether here.
14/02/2010
Where was I up to?
In the spirit of blog drought-breaking I offer you another status update style post.
Kiz got his first tooth last week and he (still) won't eat food off a spoon. After advice from various books and wise friends I've decided to not bother. I sit him in his highchair at least once a day and put food of some description in front of him. This might be soft bread, soft fruit, cooked veggies, tinned fruit or whatever is to hand that I think he won't choke on. The other day he sucked the middles out of about three home-grown cherry tomatoes and yesterday he sat on my lap and I fed him shreads of 'rice noodles with shrimp in thick egg sauce' that we were having (at a great Chinese dumpling place in Asherfield). I did try to pick the bits that weren't quite as covered in prawn-y egg sauce but I'm also confident now that he isn't going to have an anaphalactic reaction to eitehr prawns or egg because he must have ingested some.
Asher is every bit the three-and-a-half year old. He tries our patience daily and yet brings us more delight than I had imagined. He calls 100s and 1000s (sprinkles) 'twothousands' and has elaborate conversations about his imaginary friends. Beebee and Channa are friends while apparently Franj and Leego are customers. Often he tells us what they are having for dinner, or talks about Beebee's yellow car or Franj and Leego having five swimming pools at their place.
As I was lying next to Asher going to sleep last night he felt a little warm and sounded slighly snuffly and when I took his Temp it was about 38C so we stripped him down a bit but he seemed happy enough. He was a lot hotter at 4 or 5am but agina, his spirits were good, so I lay with him while he went back to sleep. This morning he's a bit snotty but cheerful, so we are off to Baby M's first birthday party.
Happy Chinese New Year everyone!
Kiz got his first tooth last week and he (still) won't eat food off a spoon. After advice from various books and wise friends I've decided to not bother. I sit him in his highchair at least once a day and put food of some description in front of him. This might be soft bread, soft fruit, cooked veggies, tinned fruit or whatever is to hand that I think he won't choke on. The other day he sucked the middles out of about three home-grown cherry tomatoes and yesterday he sat on my lap and I fed him shreads of 'rice noodles with shrimp in thick egg sauce' that we were having (at a great Chinese dumpling place in Asherfield). I did try to pick the bits that weren't quite as covered in prawn-y egg sauce but I'm also confident now that he isn't going to have an anaphalactic reaction to eitehr prawns or egg because he must have ingested some.
Asher is every bit the three-and-a-half year old. He tries our patience daily and yet brings us more delight than I had imagined. He calls 100s and 1000s (sprinkles) 'twothousands' and has elaborate conversations about his imaginary friends. Beebee and Channa are friends while apparently Franj and Leego are customers. Often he tells us what they are having for dinner, or talks about Beebee's yellow car or Franj and Leego having five swimming pools at their place.
As I was lying next to Asher going to sleep last night he felt a little warm and sounded slighly snuffly and when I took his Temp it was about 38C so we stripped him down a bit but he seemed happy enough. He was a lot hotter at 4 or 5am but agina, his spirits were good, so I lay with him while he went back to sleep. This morning he's a bit snotty but cheerful, so we are off to Baby M's first birthday party.
Happy Chinese New Year everyone!
09/10/2009
Status Update
A few days ago, it must have been Tuesday, I was pottering around the house and heard what sounded to me like our neighbors moving house. I was dissapointed and angry at myself for not inviting them around - they brought us cake when we moved in, flowers at Kiran's birth and have been just lovely but we haven't got around to having them over. The next day I realised that it was the neighbors on the other side, who we don't know at all, who may have been moving - it certainly wasn't the lovely people from number 46! So, realising that I was really angry at myself for not making an effort I decided that this weekend we would invite them over for cake in the afternoon. I am generally really crap with my good intentions - all plan, no follow-through so I'm putting it our here so I do it.
Anyone who isn't interested in micro-detail regarding my kids can stop reading now!
Last week, at three months and one day Kiran flung himself over (front-to-back) he's also noticably turned from an air breathing foetus into a baby - he's more alert, he sleeps for longer stretches and he startles more easily. He also smiles whenever anyone talks to him and vocalises lovely little magpie noises, which are sometimes quite loud and assertive, when he has something important to say. I'm sad to say I've only just noticed him sleeping for longer stretches during the day because it's only this week that I have put him down for a morning sleep in his bed, rather than getting him up and carting him all over the place. I think I'm going to have to have more at-home time built into our week to let the poor kid sleep a bit more. Poor second child!
Watching him find his hands and be able to get them (and sometimes whatever they are holding, if he's lucky) into his mouth has been lovely - first he waves both hands about and then, when they find each other he clings on for dear life, you can almost see the knuckles going white with the effort. Then he brings them up to his mouth and fits as much of the 'double fist' in as he can. Once they are in there he anjoys the dual sensation - the feel of the cool fingery things writhing around in his mouth and the lovely warm sucking sensation that he feels radiating up from the ends of his arms. He can amuse himself this way for significant periods of time now, allowing me to potter about and get a few things done.
Asher is also coming along in leaps and bounds - I think I mentioned that he can use cutlery, holding his fork still while he cuts with his knife? Well, the other day he also surprised me by peddalling his trike around the back deck. This doesn't seem like much of an achievement for a three year old, but the erganomics (is that the right word?) of the trike are such that it actually looks really difficult to pedal - he needs both co-ordination and quite a lot of strength. After having a go on another kid's learner bike (with training wheels) he came home and could suddenly manage his own trike. He's also been being really good (sporadically). Tuesday we spent a lot of time together at home without anyone else around which is often a recipe for both of us to get irritated, but there wasn't so much as a raised voise all day! And by the time Sanj got home both kids were bathed! I'm kinda proud of both of us for that!
Anyone who isn't interested in micro-detail regarding my kids can stop reading now!
Last week, at three months and one day Kiran flung himself over (front-to-back) he's also noticably turned from an air breathing foetus into a baby - he's more alert, he sleeps for longer stretches and he startles more easily. He also smiles whenever anyone talks to him and vocalises lovely little magpie noises, which are sometimes quite loud and assertive, when he has something important to say. I'm sad to say I've only just noticed him sleeping for longer stretches during the day because it's only this week that I have put him down for a morning sleep in his bed, rather than getting him up and carting him all over the place. I think I'm going to have to have more at-home time built into our week to let the poor kid sleep a bit more. Poor second child!
Watching him find his hands and be able to get them (and sometimes whatever they are holding, if he's lucky) into his mouth has been lovely - first he waves both hands about and then, when they find each other he clings on for dear life, you can almost see the knuckles going white with the effort. Then he brings them up to his mouth and fits as much of the 'double fist' in as he can. Once they are in there he anjoys the dual sensation - the feel of the cool fingery things writhing around in his mouth and the lovely warm sucking sensation that he feels radiating up from the ends of his arms. He can amuse himself this way for significant periods of time now, allowing me to potter about and get a few things done.
Asher is also coming along in leaps and bounds - I think I mentioned that he can use cutlery, holding his fork still while he cuts with his knife? Well, the other day he also surprised me by peddalling his trike around the back deck. This doesn't seem like much of an achievement for a three year old, but the erganomics (is that the right word?) of the trike are such that it actually looks really difficult to pedal - he needs both co-ordination and quite a lot of strength. After having a go on another kid's learner bike (with training wheels) he came home and could suddenly manage his own trike. He's also been being really good (sporadically). Tuesday we spent a lot of time together at home without anyone else around which is often a recipe for both of us to get irritated, but there wasn't so much as a raised voise all day! And by the time Sanj got home both kids were bathed! I'm kinda proud of both of us for that!
28/08/2009
Kiran Update
We went to the Early Childhood Health Centre (ECHC) yesterday (when I started this post the visit was yesterday, now I'd have to say 'Thursday' instead) for Kiran's 8 week check. It was all good and apart from the Whooping Cough he is fine and growing like a weed. In fact it appears that he put on around 500g since last Tuesday's paediatrician visit. That is a lot of breastmilk! When I told Sanjay he suddenly realised why I've been so hungry recently and why I've been a bit tired (I feel like a Cheshire-mother, I might vanish at any moment, leaving just my milky breasts).
As well as getting longer and chubbier he's developing in other ways. He seems to recognise my face from several metres away now, he will lie on the floor and look at his toys or lie on the bed and gaze out the window for ten minutes at a time or more. I don't remember Asher being able to amuse himself for that long with any regularity until he was much older. He's very communicative and loves to gaze into my eyes, smile and then we have 'conversations' where I ask him questions and he vocalises with little 'ahs' back to me.
Kiran is also getting into a really good nighttime routine (will writing about it jinx it?). He goes to bed between 8 and 9:30 then wakes for a feed between11:30 and 1:30. He generally wakes again around 6 or 6:30am and Asher usually wakes and comes in before 7am so we are effectively awake for the day, even if Kiran sometimes goes back to sleep.
The little guy also had his first bottle last night. I went out for dinner with the Mummies and left both boys at home with Sanj. I expressed some milk the other day (almost 100ml) when I was feeling a bit full and so I got another 100ml yesterday which I hoped would be enough. It turns out he was a little reluctant to drink from the bottle at first but once he got the idea had the 100ml and a bit more from me when I got home before he went back to sleep. Dinner out with the mummies was great for me - just the tonic I needed after feeling a bit caged and tense for the last week or two. We were talking about how everyday things slip by so fast, particularly with second children, and how we should all be keeping a diary everyday and I thought about how irregularly I blog and made a pact to write something every day for a week. That seems a bit poor in the light of day, like I should be doing more, but I really want to do it and I hate over-committing. So, stay tuned for a post, however brief, every day for a week!
As well as getting longer and chubbier he's developing in other ways. He seems to recognise my face from several metres away now, he will lie on the floor and look at his toys or lie on the bed and gaze out the window for ten minutes at a time or more. I don't remember Asher being able to amuse himself for that long with any regularity until he was much older. He's very communicative and loves to gaze into my eyes, smile and then we have 'conversations' where I ask him questions and he vocalises with little 'ahs' back to me.
Kiran is also getting into a really good nighttime routine (will writing about it jinx it?). He goes to bed between 8 and 9:30 then wakes for a feed between11:30 and 1:30. He generally wakes again around 6 or 6:30am and Asher usually wakes and comes in before 7am so we are effectively awake for the day, even if Kiran sometimes goes back to sleep.
The little guy also had his first bottle last night. I went out for dinner with the Mummies and left both boys at home with Sanj. I expressed some milk the other day (almost 100ml) when I was feeling a bit full and so I got another 100ml yesterday which I hoped would be enough. It turns out he was a little reluctant to drink from the bottle at first but once he got the idea had the 100ml and a bit more from me when I got home before he went back to sleep. Dinner out with the mummies was great for me - just the tonic I needed after feeling a bit caged and tense for the last week or two. We were talking about how everyday things slip by so fast, particularly with second children, and how we should all be keeping a diary everyday and I thought about how irregularly I blog and made a pact to write something every day for a week. That seems a bit poor in the light of day, like I should be doing more, but I really want to do it and I hate over-committing. So, stay tuned for a post, however brief, every day for a week!
29/07/2009
One month old!
Baby K turned 4 weeks old yesterday! He's a lovely mellow baby but I've worked out that the routine we have doesn't really allow me to blog very easily. He's growing really well and although I haven't weighed him I can tell because he's starting to grow out of the smallest clothes. The Bonds 0000 Wondersuits are almost too tight now and the Target 00000 growsuit doesn't fit at all anymore. He loves being in the Ergo, he sleeps well in the Amby hammock and goes to sleep in the car. Unlike Asher he reliably sleeps on 'non-living surfaces' and is often content to lie around and look out the window or something for minutes at a time - sometimes 10 or 15 minutes, which leaves me free to attend to Asher. The more I live with this easy baby the more I realise that I was not insane to think that Asher was quite needy when he was a newborn and I was a first time mother. In retrospect he behaved more like a close-to-term premmie with his neediness - feeding lots but slowly and falling asleep during feeds but not being able to stay asleep without contact with an adult.
In terms of the routine of our week, I spend Mondays and Tuesdays with both kids, usually with Megan and Karen and their kids too, and for most of that time we are out and about so no time for blogging. Not that being out and about is the main thing stopping me from writing anything on those days -a newborn and an active 3 year old who doesn't nap are really enough.
Wednesdays I usually try to stay home most of the day. I'm usually sore from carting Kiran about in the Ergo for hours on end (5 hours of carrying 5+ kilos will wear you down!) and the house often looks like a pig-sty so I gaze at the baby, do a few loads of laundry and attempt to get an afternoon nap and make dinner. Not once have I managed all of that (today I made beef stew in the morning and got the washing on but Kiran won't let me nap, so I'm cross-legged on the couch with the baby in my lap, periodically getting up to raid the kitchen for chocolate).
Thursday and Friday are for running errands and hanging out with the baby and maybe catching up with a friend for coffee. I've been managing to keep up with the laundry on those days too and I'm hoping to start being able to prepare dinner and pick Asher up from Kindy sometimes too.
Weekends are family time - a lot of the time this means Sanjay hangs out with Asher and I look after the baby. This works really well but I worry that I'll lose my strong connection with Asher and Sanj won't bond well with Kiran - maybe I'm just neurotic and looking for something to worry about?
The rhythms of the days are pretty similar - we wake up for the day when Kiran wakes between 6:45am and 8am. Sanjay and Asher get up and start breakfast while I catch an extra half an hours sleep or feed the baby. We get ourselves ready to go out, and between 8:30 (today) and 10:30am we manage to get ourselves together and get out. Baths for the kids start around 4:30-5pm with dinner then bed for Asher by around 7:30. He seems to be sleeping better now that I'm a bit more strict with bed time. Sanj and I watch TV or clean up or Sanj works while I read until the baby wakes and then I feed him and head to bed. Sanjay either finishes of his work or gets ready for the next day and comes to bed after me. This means I rarely get to sleep before 11pm and Sanj is sometimes up until midnight, which would be OK except we have between 1 and 3 wake-ups to feed baby K. So, not quite enough sleep, but not too bad, considering the baby sleeps well, and generally goes straight back to sleep after he's been fed and changed.
Asher has been just delightful with the new baby. Sanjay and I have been very careful to keep his life as consistent as possible with his previous routine. I also try to ensure that it's never 'the baby' when I want him to be quiet or when he can't have my attention. For instance I tell him that we need to go inside because I'm cold, rather than telling him that the baby needs feeding and he's responding really well. He needs more help with things like feeding himself and putting his shoes on and he gets really whingy sometimes, but he's never been anything but extremely loving with his little brother. We also tell him how much Kiran likes him and what a good big brother he is and Asher being Asher likes that too. He's getting all his sillys out when he's with his mate Miles - the two of them yell and rumble and behave like lads which is simultaneously irritating and hilarious.
The poor little Kiran seems to have a cold - probably from Asher - his chest sounds rattle-y and he's coughing quite a lot. It doesn't seem to be bothering him too much though - he spent ages gazing into my eyes today, trying to talk to me, copying my facial expressions and smiling. The baby, snuggled into the nest of my crossed legs is starting to complain and need feeding. I can't manage much one handed typing, so that's it from me for now....
In terms of the routine of our week, I spend Mondays and Tuesdays with both kids, usually with Megan and Karen and their kids too, and for most of that time we are out and about so no time for blogging. Not that being out and about is the main thing stopping me from writing anything on those days -a newborn and an active 3 year old who doesn't nap are really enough.
Wednesdays I usually try to stay home most of the day. I'm usually sore from carting Kiran about in the Ergo for hours on end (5 hours of carrying 5+ kilos will wear you down!) and the house often looks like a pig-sty so I gaze at the baby, do a few loads of laundry and attempt to get an afternoon nap and make dinner. Not once have I managed all of that (today I made beef stew in the morning and got the washing on but Kiran won't let me nap, so I'm cross-legged on the couch with the baby in my lap, periodically getting up to raid the kitchen for chocolate).
Thursday and Friday are for running errands and hanging out with the baby and maybe catching up with a friend for coffee. I've been managing to keep up with the laundry on those days too and I'm hoping to start being able to prepare dinner and pick Asher up from Kindy sometimes too.
Weekends are family time - a lot of the time this means Sanjay hangs out with Asher and I look after the baby. This works really well but I worry that I'll lose my strong connection with Asher and Sanj won't bond well with Kiran - maybe I'm just neurotic and looking for something to worry about?
The rhythms of the days are pretty similar - we wake up for the day when Kiran wakes between 6:45am and 8am. Sanjay and Asher get up and start breakfast while I catch an extra half an hours sleep or feed the baby. We get ourselves ready to go out, and between 8:30 (today) and 10:30am we manage to get ourselves together and get out. Baths for the kids start around 4:30-5pm with dinner then bed for Asher by around 7:30. He seems to be sleeping better now that I'm a bit more strict with bed time. Sanj and I watch TV or clean up or Sanj works while I read until the baby wakes and then I feed him and head to bed. Sanjay either finishes of his work or gets ready for the next day and comes to bed after me. This means I rarely get to sleep before 11pm and Sanj is sometimes up until midnight, which would be OK except we have between 1 and 3 wake-ups to feed baby K. So, not quite enough sleep, but not too bad, considering the baby sleeps well, and generally goes straight back to sleep after he's been fed and changed.
Asher has been just delightful with the new baby. Sanjay and I have been very careful to keep his life as consistent as possible with his previous routine. I also try to ensure that it's never 'the baby' when I want him to be quiet or when he can't have my attention. For instance I tell him that we need to go inside because I'm cold, rather than telling him that the baby needs feeding and he's responding really well. He needs more help with things like feeding himself and putting his shoes on and he gets really whingy sometimes, but he's never been anything but extremely loving with his little brother. We also tell him how much Kiran likes him and what a good big brother he is and Asher being Asher likes that too. He's getting all his sillys out when he's with his mate Miles - the two of them yell and rumble and behave like lads which is simultaneously irritating and hilarious.
The poor little Kiran seems to have a cold - probably from Asher - his chest sounds rattle-y and he's coughing quite a lot. It doesn't seem to be bothering him too much though - he spent ages gazing into my eyes today, trying to talk to me, copying my facial expressions and smiling. The baby, snuggled into the nest of my crossed legs is starting to complain and need feeding. I can't manage much one handed typing, so that's it from me for now....
12/03/2009
The Sleep Thing
It's the sleep thing again. Asher has been taking a long time to go to sleep, then waking a few times most night recently, and it’s been driving us all pretty crazy. The going to bed routine now consist of teeth brushing, nappy, PJs then Sanjay reading a story, me going in and telling a story (I’ll have to write down my version of the three bears sometime!) then I have to leave and Sanjay has to go back in again. Sometimes that is just a last cuddle, sometimes Sanjay has to stay there until Asher drops off to sleep. After all that palaver Asher’s getting to sleep between 8:30pm and 10pm which means that he’s often tired the next day and Sanjay and I have very little grown-up time together (…and then there is food to be eaten, cleaning up to be done, Sanjay has work to do and we end up tired and grumpy with one another – but that is another post for another time). When there is only one parent present it is often a bit easier, but that doesn’t really solve the problem. When I'm putting him to sleep during the day I'm also noticing that he's practising 'counting' on his fingers - Sanjay has shown him how to hold up one, two, three, four and five fingers but the manual dexterity required means that Asher has had to practise. Maybe part of the sleep disturbance is a developmental change - just like when he was six months old and his sleep was really disturbed just as he was learning to crawl.
When Asher wakes up in the night Sanjay, bless him, usually deals with it. Since nobody sleeps very well when a kicking, fidgeting, toddler is in our bed we tend to escort him back to his own room as soon as he’s calm. Sometimes it’s as simple as going to the kitchen for a glass of water (“with a piece of ice!”). Either way, when it happens occasionally it’s fine, when it’s multiple times a night it’s just not on.
I was too busy trying to ‘fix’ what was obviously broken and didn't stop to wonder what was going on, whether there was a cause. I tried encouraging him to go to sleep by having one of us sleep in his bed next to him (not effective) and I tried being stern and spending less time in the putting to bed routine (even less effective and unpleasant for everyone) and I tried re-framing my thought about how ‘putting Asher to bed’ should be (no one got any more sleep, but I was more relaxed). So the other night when, just before bed, Asher asked me if there were owls at night I absentmindedly told him that there were, and that they flew around outside. Sanjay added that the owls didn’t come inside people’s houses, that they were shy and liked it outside by themselves and then I twigged. We had been reading Beatrix Potter’s ‘The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin’ a lot, particularly at bedtime and it seems that the part where Old Brown the Owl comes very close to skinning and eating naughty little Squirrel Nutkin was just too scary for poor Asher. Unfortunately, instead of Asher choosing a different book or asking me about the story or about owls he just kept requesting the book ("I want my new book again!") and I, not realising that anything was amiss, kept reading it, and making it even scarier with each reading. I had even read, and laughed with sympathetic amusement at, this blog post from Finslippy so you would think I would have twigged to what was going on earlier. I think being 'in the moment' is so necessary in parenting, but conversely you can't be a really thoughtful, 'conscious' parent without removing yourself a bit sometimes.
So, now we are limiting bedtime books to things like Green Eggs and Ham, The Magic Beach and Where's Wally and things are getting a bit better. The night wake-ups are minimised (he has a cold and has woken up snotty a few times, but that's different) and we are going to look at the bedtime routine gradually. I'm going out tomorrow night and might suggest Sanj heads out on Saturday night or early next week so we can try putting him to bed as solo parents in the hope that decreases the amount of neediness at bedtime.
13/01/2009
The 'good' toddler
Someone asked me this morning if Asher was 'a good boy' and to be honest, I didn't really know how to answer. I've been thinking about it all day and the more I think about it the more it reminds me of when people, usually older women, used to ask me if he was a 'good' baby. The answer then was that yes, he was a very good baby, and he was behaving just as he should for an x week/month old. The answer now is a bit more complicated but I still believe he, like all other kids who have the opportunity, is a good kid. I think he pushes limits like a crazy man, has tantrums over seemingly small issues, I think he desperately needs to test out new skills and assert his Independence, I think his attention span is toddler-short and he can't clean up his toys, sit still for more than a moment unless he's consuming a babycino, go to sleep by himself easily or cope with changes to the routine, hunger, thirst or tiredness, but yes is a really good kid. In other words all the things that drive me absolutely freaking mental about Asher are age appropriate behaviours and particular to Asher's temperament. He doesn't really try to be either 'good' or 'bad' he just is completely himself and bent on exploring the world and getting our what he wants (mostly just our attention and approval) as quickly and efficiently as possible. The more consistent I can be and the more I can reward the behaviour that I want, the more I get a 'good kid' to deal with.
(I had to interrupt that paragraph to go and get Asher, who had let himself out the front door - the behaviour of a good kid? I have since deadlocked the front door which should take him at least a few weeks to figure out.)
Which brings me to today. We came home from a lovely morning at the playground (Bradfield Park, a.k.a. Train Park for anyone who knows Sydney) Asher had a shakey (home-made smoothie, praise be to the Bamix), got his nappy on without complaint and then we lay down for one book, one story and our snooze. Instead of this process taking 20 minutes, Asher was still bouncing around next to me while I lay on his bed gritting my teeth an hour and a half later. I changed the poo that was in his nappy (how had I not smelled that?) popped him back into his bed and sternly told him to stay in bed and go to sleep. I left him in there for almost an hour, ignoring the occasional crashes and bangs and snatches of cheerful singing. When I went to get him out the room looked like this:
I opened the door to see Asher sitting in the little clear space right in the middle. When I called Sanj and told him what happened his only comment was 'what a good boy!' (distinctly *not* what I was thinking at the time), but after some reflection I guess I agree with him. He played and explored and did what I had asked to the best of his ability.
So it's time to go out for fish and chips at the beach for dinner, and because I've been paying attention here rather than to him the lounge room is literally covered in toys, I've had to have firm words about the outside tap (there is water all over the deck) and I've already had to fix the Ikea easel. Now he's crying because the sticker he asked for is sticky. But still he is a good boy!
05/01/2009
Absurdist conversation
Some of the best parts of living with a toddler are the wild and crazy conversations one suddenly finds oneself in the midst of. Much better than dealing with the 45 minutes of exhaustion tantrum today or Asher's research into what pisses his mother off yesterday (it seems flinging oneself on the ground repeatedly whilst walking around the shopping centre will eventually do it). This conversation is as close to verbatim as I can remember it. It happened on the train coming home from dinner with my dad on Saturday night.
Asher: I'm a fish
Keda: A baby fish?
Asher: A big fish!
Sanjay: In a small pond?
Asher: No, in a big one.
Keda: So you are a big fish in a small pond?
Asher: Yes
Sanjay: What kind of fish are you? A red herring?
Asher: No
Keda: A carp?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A sardine?
Asher: No
Keda: A dolphin*?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A cod?
Asher: No
Keda: A tuna fish?
Asher: Yes! I'm a tuna fish!
* Yeah, I know, dolphins aren't fish. We were both giggling and I was finding it difficult to think of random fish by this point.
Asher: I'm a fish
Keda: A baby fish?
Asher: A big fish!
Sanjay: In a small pond?
Asher: No, in a big one.
Keda: So you are a big fish in a small pond?
Asher: Yes
Sanjay: What kind of fish are you? A red herring?
Asher: No
Keda: A carp?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A sardine?
Asher: No
Keda: A dolphin*?
Asher: No
Sanjay: A cod?
Asher: No
Keda: A tuna fish?
Asher: Yes! I'm a tuna fish!
* Yeah, I know, dolphins aren't fish. We were both giggling and I was finding it difficult to think of random fish by this point.
07/11/2008
Potty Time?
Warning: this post contains multiple references to various exretory bodily functions. Read at your own risk.
Over the last month Asher has been gradually using the potty more and more often. We are at a stage now where he wees in the potty once or twice most days but he had never used the potty for a poo, until today. Not only had he not done a poo in the potty but he had never given us any warning, either verbal or behavioural, that he was about to. Today that all changed.
We were in a shopping centre, near toilets that he has been to with his little toilet-trained friend and he asked to go to the toilet. I assumed it was just a delaying tactic he was using because he'd seen a familiar toilet stop, but we went in, removed the nappy and he sat there while my back got slowly more painful (I need to hold him a bit so he doesn't slip down into the bowl) and I got correspondingly more impatient. About two minutes elapsed (it felt like ten!) with him telling me it was 'coming' whenever I asked him if he just wanted to put his nappy back on and finally he said 'it's coming out my bottom!' and 30 seconds later he did his first ever poo in the toilet. I was so proud of him, and so happy there was going to be one less poopy nappy to deal with! I was more than usually patient with my tired kid as we walked home.
We got home and had a sandwich for lunch and I put him to bed. He didn't go to sleep immediately and when he called out to me urgently I would go in and give him a cuddle and tell him to go to sleep. Once he had got his foot stuck in the bars of the cot, and once he had ripped the spine-covering off a favourite board-book. This whole process went on for ages (ummm, over an hour, which is not that unusual), and whenever I was not rescuing feet etc I was searching the 'net for nice cotton training pants. The next time he called out I was ready to be a bit stern - it was pretty much my last chance for him to have a day sleep that wasn't too late to interfere with bed-time. I realised as soon as I opened the door that all was not well. He had his nappy on but there we smears of what seemed to be poo on his cot sheet, and a big wet patch that could only be wee. I changed the stinky nappy, changed the sheets washed hands all the while trying to work out how the nappy could be on but poo could be on the sheets. Every time I asked Asher he just said 'gotta change it' which was undeniable. I put him back in bed for a little while, but next time he called out he told me he needed to do a wee in the potty so I let him out and now he's running around in big-boy undies playing with his Duplo.
So, perhaps I'll order some training pants and browse for toilet training tips but I won't start anything just yet.
* * * * * * * * * * *
A moment or two after I published this post I heard Asher in the bathroom. He's been in there earlier and got water everywhere so I went in ready to be irritated only to find my darling child with his big-boy undies around his ankles having done a wee in his potty, after removing his undies (key point!). I got him to sit back down so I could take a photo!
Over the last month Asher has been gradually using the potty more and more often. We are at a stage now where he wees in the potty once or twice most days but he had never used the potty for a poo, until today. Not only had he not done a poo in the potty but he had never given us any warning, either verbal or behavioural, that he was about to. Today that all changed.
We were in a shopping centre, near toilets that he has been to with his little toilet-trained friend and he asked to go to the toilet. I assumed it was just a delaying tactic he was using because he'd seen a familiar toilet stop, but we went in, removed the nappy and he sat there while my back got slowly more painful (I need to hold him a bit so he doesn't slip down into the bowl) and I got correspondingly more impatient. About two minutes elapsed (it felt like ten!) with him telling me it was 'coming' whenever I asked him if he just wanted to put his nappy back on and finally he said 'it's coming out my bottom!' and 30 seconds later he did his first ever poo in the toilet. I was so proud of him, and so happy there was going to be one less poopy nappy to deal with! I was more than usually patient with my tired kid as we walked home.
We got home and had a sandwich for lunch and I put him to bed. He didn't go to sleep immediately and when he called out to me urgently I would go in and give him a cuddle and tell him to go to sleep. Once he had got his foot stuck in the bars of the cot, and once he had ripped the spine-covering off a favourite board-book. This whole process went on for ages (ummm, over an hour, which is not that unusual), and whenever I was not rescuing feet etc I was searching the 'net for nice cotton training pants. The next time he called out I was ready to be a bit stern - it was pretty much my last chance for him to have a day sleep that wasn't too late to interfere with bed-time. I realised as soon as I opened the door that all was not well. He had his nappy on but there we smears of what seemed to be poo on his cot sheet, and a big wet patch that could only be wee. I changed the stinky nappy, changed the sheets washed hands all the while trying to work out how the nappy could be on but poo could be on the sheets. Every time I asked Asher he just said 'gotta change it' which was undeniable. I put him back in bed for a little while, but next time he called out he told me he needed to do a wee in the potty so I let him out and now he's running around in big-boy undies playing with his Duplo.
So, perhaps I'll order some training pants and browse for toilet training tips but I won't start anything just yet.
* * * * * * * * * * *
A moment or two after I published this post I heard Asher in the bathroom. He's been in there earlier and got water everywhere so I went in ready to be irritated only to find my darling child with his big-boy undies around his ankles having done a wee in his potty, after removing his undies (key point!). I got him to sit back down so I could take a photo!...and then again, another hour later he took himself in and did yet another wee. I think I will put the order for training pants through today after all - I think this is one of those things that is going to happen now whether I'm ready or not.
16/09/2008
My son
When he isn't biting, kicking, throwing sand, scratching, pulling hair, pushing or snatching he's just delighful. Witness him here, being spun around and laughing with his little mates:
See? When he's happy, he's really happy.
11/09/2008
Asher milestones
Isn't this a cute pictutre? Sanjay's parents usually pick Asher up from Kindy one day a week and they are away at the moment so various other people (well, Anil and my dad) have been helping out with picking Asher up from Kindy. Asher actually seems to be getting on a bit better at Kindy these last two weeks, not many tears in the morning before we leave the house and just a bit of distress when we (usually just Sanjay) drops him off. Anil took Asher to the park today when he picked him up and they spent a bit of time playing with Anil's Blackberry camera - I think he sent me this photo to reassure me that they had fun!
I've been meaning to blog quite a lot recently - I've got a lot to say about Asher and what's going on for him - but I haven't been able to find time when I'm not exhausted. I've also been recovering from the cold that has lasted all winter, and I'm finally feeling a bit more on top of things with my health.
The other reason I'm exhasted is that Asher is really finding his two-year-old self. He's really into asserting himself and testing boundaries and, being Asher, that means he's experimenting quite carefully. At the moment he's trying to work out what the story is with physical aggression generally, and biting in particular so he sets up his experiments. He wants to work out what kinds of biting get a neutral or positive reaction from me (food), what kinds get a mildly negative reaction (toys and other objects) and what makes me really angry (other people). He has been biting objects (toys, doorframes, this morning it was the doona on our bed) and notes that he gets told 'no biting' but nobody moves to stop him. He tries biting me and I say 'NO BITING' very sternly and physically move his head away. The very first time he sank his sharp little puppy-teeth into my leg I brushed him away so quickly it was *almost* a smack, which of course shook me more than it shook him. He even tried biting Audrey on Tuesday afternoon which upset me tremendously. I really hope he works it out quickly (I know I have to stay *really* consistant) and can find some other subject to experiment on. I guess I should be happy that it's such a carefully controlled experiment, even if the fact that he's being calculating upsets me, because my suspicion is that biting-in-anger would be harder to manage.
In better news, his language development has really come on, so have both gross and fine motor skills - he is starting to learn to use scissors, he can roll out pizza dough, he can climb things at the indoor playcentre this week that were impossible last week, he can get the soybeans out of their pods when we have edamame, he puts texta/pen lids on with ease, he opens the door to our apartment, he puts bottle tops on and takes them off, the list goes on and on. He's also starting to be more confident (he shoos away pidgeons rather than bursting into tears) and more assertive with his peers (he has been pushing Audrey out of the way when she tries to get in front of him) which I feel are developments that have been helped by going to Kindy.
There'll be more updates over the next week or so, promise!
I've been meaning to blog quite a lot recently - I've got a lot to say about Asher and what's going on for him - but I haven't been able to find time when I'm not exhausted. I've also been recovering from the cold that has lasted all winter, and I'm finally feeling a bit more on top of things with my health.
The other reason I'm exhasted is that Asher is really finding his two-year-old self. He's really into asserting himself and testing boundaries and, being Asher, that means he's experimenting quite carefully. At the moment he's trying to work out what the story is with physical aggression generally, and biting in particular so he sets up his experiments. He wants to work out what kinds of biting get a neutral or positive reaction from me (food), what kinds get a mildly negative reaction (toys and other objects) and what makes me really angry (other people). He has been biting objects (toys, doorframes, this morning it was the doona on our bed) and notes that he gets told 'no biting' but nobody moves to stop him. He tries biting me and I say 'NO BITING' very sternly and physically move his head away. The very first time he sank his sharp little puppy-teeth into my leg I brushed him away so quickly it was *almost* a smack, which of course shook me more than it shook him. He even tried biting Audrey on Tuesday afternoon which upset me tremendously. I really hope he works it out quickly (I know I have to stay *really* consistant) and can find some other subject to experiment on. I guess I should be happy that it's such a carefully controlled experiment, even if the fact that he's being calculating upsets me, because my suspicion is that biting-in-anger would be harder to manage.
In better news, his language development has really come on, so have both gross and fine motor skills - he is starting to learn to use scissors, he can roll out pizza dough, he can climb things at the indoor playcentre this week that were impossible last week, he can get the soybeans out of their pods when we have edamame, he puts texta/pen lids on with ease, he opens the door to our apartment, he puts bottle tops on and takes them off, the list goes on and on. He's also starting to be more confident (he shoos away pidgeons rather than bursting into tears) and more assertive with his peers (he has been pushing Audrey out of the way when she tries to get in front of him) which I feel are developments that have been helped by going to Kindy.
There'll be more updates over the next week or so, promise!
23/06/2008
Another milestone. And this time I'm not excited about it.
This one isn't so good though! A few weeks ago, maybe a month, Asher got bitten by one of the other kids. She sank her teeth into his shoulder, through jumper and t-shirt and still managed to give him a bruise. Today Asher gave another kid a serious bite - unfortunately that kid was Miles, and today is his birthday! No one saw what happened - the kids were playing behind a cubby house - and Miles started to cry in a way that I haven't heard very often. Not only was he obviously in pain, but he sounded kind of shocked that anyone could do such a thing. Asher came straight over to me and I asked him if he needed to apologise to Miles. He told me 'yes' and we went over and gave Miles an apologetic pat. Because no one had seen what happened I didn't feel like I could get really stuck into the discipline but I felt awful. The teeth marks were really deep and up near the third knuckle on Miles right hand. I'm just pleased the bite didn't break the skin! I really hope this was a one off and not the start of a biting phase - particularly the first week Asher starts at childcare!
Anyhow, Happy birthday little Miles! I hope you grow from being a strong and happy toddler to being a strong and happy boy, and later a strong and happy man. You are truly lucky to have a mum who will support you and guide you on your journey. I hope you will continue to be a great friend and protector to Asher and that you and your little mates will have many years of enjoying cake together!
Anyhow, Happy birthday little Miles! I hope you grow from being a strong and happy toddler to being a strong and happy boy, and later a strong and happy man. You are truly lucky to have a mum who will support you and guide you on your journey. I hope you will continue to be a great friend and protector to Asher and that you and your little mates will have many years of enjoying cake together!
19/06/2008
The Childcare Conundrum
Well, I'm all twisted up about the childcare situation again (still?). We went in this morning again to hang out and get Asher used to the place and it didn't go that well. The director was away again (she was away on Monday when we went) but this time there was a replacement, which is a good sign. When we went into the room however, the carer, A, was reading a story to the kids. She's a nice woman but her first language isn't English and she's not a natural story-reader. There was a another young woman there who I assume was a casual, filling in for the staff member who left recently. I described her to Sanjay on the phone as 'breathing meat' because she just sat there, and didn't seem to be listening to the story, and she didn't join in the singing afterwards (I did!) and as the morning progressed she barely interacted with any of the kids. I've also realised that there has been very little smiling or laughing going on amongst the children which adds to the sick-to-the-stomach anxiety I'm feeling.
I really don't know whether I should plow on despite my misgivings or pull the plug on the whole thing immediately. I really can't tell if I'm uncertain about it because the centre and the care isn't up to scratch, or simply because it's a big change and my baby is growing up and beginning to have a life separate from me. Normally I'm pretty good at separating my headcake from external reality (or I like to think I am, anyway!) but in this situation, where 'gut feel' is the best way to work out if this centre is right for us, I'm feeling really lost.
And now, on a completely different note, I'd like to wish little Audrey a very happy second birthday:
...I'd also like to congratulate Karen on surviving two years as a mum, and doing such a good job at it too! Thanks for being a great Aunty to Asher and a good friend for me!
I really don't know whether I should plow on despite my misgivings or pull the plug on the whole thing immediately. I really can't tell if I'm uncertain about it because the centre and the care isn't up to scratch, or simply because it's a big change and my baby is growing up and beginning to have a life separate from me. Normally I'm pretty good at separating my headcake from external reality (or I like to think I am, anyway!) but in this situation, where 'gut feel' is the best way to work out if this centre is right for us, I'm feeling really lost.
~~~~~~~~~~~
And now, on a completely different note, I'd like to wish little Audrey a very happy second birthday:
...I'd also like to congratulate Karen on surviving two years as a mum, and doing such a good job at it too! Thanks for being a great Aunty to Asher and a good friend for me!
14/05/2008
Not just the grumps!
I realised, while I was throwing up in the early hours of this morning, that yesterday's grouchiness was probably brought on by the tummy bug that I appeard to have. I certainly didn't consume nearly enough of that promised white wine! Last Friday Asher threw up most of the night and I was later to learn that his little mate M was sick that night too. I was selfishly glad (although, of course, very sorry for poor M and his mummy!) because I could be pretty sure it was just a tummy bug and not an accidental food poisening or something more sinister. So I've spent the entire day today shuffling between the bed, the couch and the toilet as Sanjay stayed home from work and hung out with Asher.Asher is a bundle of boisterous toddler and when Sanjay says that "mummy's tummy hurts" Asher gives it a kiss and announces "better" just like I do with his many, many minor injuries. It's very cute for that moment, but then of course he wants to leap all over me, the couch, everything. I think his energy levels are soaring again which I guess is the beginning of what people like to call the 'terrible twos' - I was actually talking about this with some of the Crowie Mummies Posse the other day and we were laughing at how when the little people started to assert their will at around 1 we thought that was as tough as it was going to get. Now we are all getting the full-on melt-down tantrums (Asher usually keeps his for home at the moment unless he gets really cold or hungry - lucky me), some of us are getting hitting, the food refusal power trip and all the other things two year olds are famed for. I like to say that I don't negotiate with terrorists but it would be closer to the truth to say that I try to maintain consitancy in the face of all his toddler cunning. I try to take a mental step back and evaluate what is going on and whether Asher is looking for me to play with him or take him out for a change-of-scenery walk or whether he's trying to work out what is acceptable behaviour before I react. Sometimes, when he really presses my buttons, I give myself a time-out and hide for a minute or two in the kitchen (behind the baby gate) the laundry or outside - wherever I have stuff to do. When 'the experts' talk about time-outs they generally suggest not more than a minute for every year of the childs age and I just wish I could have *ahem* over half an hour to regain my equilibrium.
Hah! I should have eaten more than a couple of crackers today - if I had it's possible that this post would be a brief pity party over my illness rather than the extended mix it's become. Ah well at least it's something.
17/02/2008
Inspiration afternoon
I don't really do anything traditionally crafty at home with Asher yet, but he's been pretty interested in paining and glue-ing and such at playgroup recently, so we decided to have an painting afternoon (or 'art jam' as a particularly hip friend calls such events) over here tomorrow. After buying some Tempera powder paint on Friday I have been busily looking for finger-paint recipes today and came across some really good kids crafty resources that I thought I might share. There are lot's of finger-paint and playdough recipes about (I've used the playdough recipe and it works a treat. Dissolve the salt first so you don't get a grainy texture) and there are lots of different lists of ideas out there, but good ones are not always that easy to find. One of my old favourites is the very lovely Kids Craft Weekly which sends ideas direct to my inbox and is geared toward little kids. the photos on the site are great and the ideas are often really simple and good - I recommend anyone who has little kids around subscribes for ideas. There is another site that I came across whose approach I really like. . It's called 'A Magical Childhood' and so far I've only been looking at the craft ideas (there is a link in the navbar that says 'poetry' which terrifies me so much I can't click on it yet) and as the author says, there are heaps of guides for projects that achieve cute results, but little kids would prefer to focus on the process rather than the result and they get bored easily. Her ideas seem to be geared toward what she calls 'laziness' and what I prefer to think of as letting your kid give his or her creativity free reign. She talks about lying in the bath and letting your kid use watercolour paint on pieces of paper you have taped up around the bathtub. It sounds awkward to me personally, but it sounds like fun for fans of the bathtub. You will see what I mean if you look at any of her craft ideas with the word 'lazy' in the title.
The other web resource I rediscovered was the Raising Children website which reminded me that despite my recent frustration with Asher's tantrums and general toddlerness I'm doing ok at managing it. It also reminded me of the reasons these little people have hissy fits and some of the more positive ways of dealing with the difficult behaviour.
I couldn't have found/rediscovered any of this stuff without Sanjay spending a LOT of time with Asher today (and all weekend actually!). I think it's really good for the whole family for them to spend big chunks of time one-on-one - it improves their relationship, Sanj has more of an idea of how I spend my days and I get a bit of mental space. Thanks Sanjay!
I'll try and blog about tomorrow's Art Jam, perhaps I'll even include pictures!
The other web resource I rediscovered was the Raising Children website which reminded me that despite my recent frustration with Asher's tantrums and general toddlerness I'm doing ok at managing it. It also reminded me of the reasons these little people have hissy fits and some of the more positive ways of dealing with the difficult behaviour.
I couldn't have found/rediscovered any of this stuff without Sanjay spending a LOT of time with Asher today (and all weekend actually!). I think it's really good for the whole family for them to spend big chunks of time one-on-one - it improves their relationship, Sanj has more of an idea of how I spend my days and I get a bit of mental space. Thanks Sanjay!
I'll try and blog about tomorrow's Art Jam, perhaps I'll even include pictures!
11/02/2008
Oh the cuteness!
This morning, as I was washing up Asher put his 'baby' in the highchair and said "Dinner! Rice!" to it a few times. Then he took the dolly out of the highchair and took it's clothes off and said "Nappy" and proceeded to take it in and put it on his change table (and then he slammed his fingers in the drawer and called out 'STUCK! STUCK!' until I came and saved him - he's not THAT smart!).
Actually, there is so much cute stuff happening at the moment that almost every day I try to remind myself to blog the lovely things that come out of that kids mouth. Unfortunately by the time I get computer time I'm so frazzled by the intensity of the day that I'm not able to string a sentance together. Perhaps I should start blogging in dot points?
Actually, there is so much cute stuff happening at the moment that almost every day I try to remind myself to blog the lovely things that come out of that kids mouth. Unfortunately by the time I get computer time I'm so frazzled by the intensity of the day that I'm not able to string a sentance together. Perhaps I should start blogging in dot points?
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