It was one of those lazy, boozy, funny after dinner conversations, where Sanjay and Franma were discussing the party I (don't) want for my upcoming fortieth birthday. I was joining in with the hilarity but stewing with anxiety about a party for me. I like other people's parties, but not my own. I end up taught anxious and exhausted, unable to eat or chat properly to any of my wonderful friends. I was trying to convince the others that we should have an animal costume party and I could wrap myself in my doona lie on the floor and be a sea slug and when we all went to bed the issue was unresolved. Over the next few days the questions kept coming, and I became increasingly uncomfortable with the plan.
I also had my sister Clare planning her trip to Cambodia. She has a three month volunteer position and she was putting off leaving for one reason or another. So one morning I joked to Clare that I should come to. She was enthusiastic so I emailed Sanjay - can I go to Cambodia for a holiday instead of having a big scary party? He replied 'sure' and that was that, decision made.