When Sanjay and I fist talked about having kids it was always in the plural. Neither of us liked the idea of having a one child family and I always thought two relatively close together would be good - either eighteen months apart or two and a bit years. Then, minutes after Asher was born the obstetrician told me 'that was easy' and asked if I was going to have another one soon. I looked at him in disbelief and said to the as-yet-unnamed baby Asher 'Baby, tell daddy you want an adopted sibling' and that was that for a while. When Asher was getting close to 9 months old Sanjay and I agreed that we didn't want two babies really close together and at that time we decided to wait until Asher was 18 months old and then revisit the question - probably starting to try for number two at that time.
Now Asher is 18 months and I'm more reluctant than ever to start trying for a second child. Asher is a good kid. and a comparatively easy toddler I suspect, but he's still a young toddler and all toddlers are hard going. I can't imagine my life with a baby and a toddler, and when I try to picture it it looks like the stuff of my worst nightmares. This is even more true because I've never learned to drive and I don't have a license. Newborn and reluctant toddler to the supermarket and then walking home with the groceries? I think not. Outing to the beach and then home on the bus with a tired fractious toddler and a newborn? No way! Even the most car dependant of my parent-friends say getting two kids organised and into the car is hard work and I reckon that without a car I'd be stuck at home a lot of the time, and my mental health suffers if I'm not out and about a fair bit.
So, despite Sanjay's enthusiasm and the fact Asher just ADORES babies I have used my power of veto and we aren't planning on expanding our family anytime soon. In lieu of am actual baby I got a doll for Asher, which he loves like the little brother he may never have. He's never shown any interest in having a particular toy in his cot, but now he insists on going to bed with his 'baby' (which I've dressed in an outfit that was to big for the newborn Asher) and he won't let any of the other little kids touch the doll. I'm thinking that a doll is the ideal quiet and indestructible baby replacement but Sanjay watches how Asher loves the doll and thinks how much cuter the pictures would be with a real live sibling.
I've taken the first step in learning to drive (I have my learner license and have shortlisted driving schools) and when I'm some way towards being a driver we'll revisit the whole question. Again.